


The Story of the Veiled Queen, Under the Mountain

by hannah_jpg



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:32:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 28,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannah_jpg/pseuds/hannah_jpg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aurvang, the fiercely protected wife of Thorin, records the story of their marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Aurvang, daughter of Virfir Lord of Nogrod_

I can feel the age in my bones now every waking moment, which becomes many as my mind tirelessly spins. I sit in the halls of my forefathers, the Firebeards, my son's son sitting upon its throne without the weight that his father held during the War of the Ring, or of the weight of his grandfather's duty on his forefathers' throne in Erebor. Our freedom has been hard won through sacrifice.

My own part in the tales of this age have been limited, and in the course of significance even less. I have not fought bloody battles, although the cares that consumed me made me wish to wield a sword instead of a withering spirit.

My husband, Thorin son of Thrain, son of Thror, was descended from the great race of Durin's folk in the north. Since his fall at the end of his quest to reclaim his homeland nearly two centuries ago, I have carried on his line to ease the comfort of his spirit in the afterlife.

My beard has not always been as thin nor white as it is now. Although I still cover my face amongst strangers – my grandson's daughter sometimes teases me that I could pass for a Woman of Men. I know that she is ignorant of the pain in my heart at her smiling eyes – blue, and rare among the dwarves. Neither my son nor his sons were blessed with the gift of their sire.

My days have begun to pass in a more meaningless blur. Apart from my kin I find no fulfillment in creating or reading. Of late when I have a mind to ponder upon the accounts of the peoples of this land I find myself not partaking of the knowledge – instead I stare into the fireplace and think upon my Thorin. My grief at his absence is not dimmed. I write the story of our marriage to think on happier times in my final days.


	2. Chapter 2

I could not help but to feel the joy of the wind on my face as Mirkwood shrunk behind us. The many days in the dank woods darkened my spirit and I yearned to feel free. Tempers in our party had grown thin and I had been forced to practice my increasing diplomatic skills to cease more than one argument. At the beginning of this journey I had been full of fear – of an unbeknownst prince at a unbeknownst destination – and without an elder of my status, I was in charge. My guardian, the steward of Norgod, had arranged for a marriage between myself and the grandson of Thror, King under the Lonely Mountain. I had been all too eager – filled with young hopes for love and a desperate thirst for adventure. Throughout the journey I grew confident in the abilities I had been groomed for since I was young – as daughter of a late king I had been entitled to the education and fine fripperies of the aristocracy.

Upon my arrival at the gates of Erebor, having spent too much time wandering the beautiful streets of Dale – full of wonderment at the amounts and kinds of people and trinkets – the nervousness in my belly increased. Had the King received the latest post from the steward that I would arrive by Midsummer? We had only barely met the timeframe – the festivities for the weeklong celebration would begin tomorrow. A companion of mine called forth the appropriate sallies, and we were soon let in.

"My lady," A dark bearded dwarf appeared in front of me, bowing low. "I am Nili, butler to the King. I am at your humble service."

I dismounted my pony, handing the reins to one of my companions. "Aurvang, daughter of Virfir, at yours," I also bowed, my travelling trousers not allowing for a proper curtsey. I turned to see my travelling companions, ponies and luggage being led by guards into a passageway to the left.

"If there is anything my lady desires, she has only to speak," Nili smiled kindly at me, and it was easy for me to post my question.

"Might I have the opportunity to wash up before I am presented before the King? Our travels have been tiring."

"Of course. This way, if you please," Nili led me deeper into the mountain and we began to climb stairs.

"Erebor is lovely," I complimented him, honestly awed by my surroundings. "The gold details are stunning. I have never felt such openness beneath the ground before."

"Many thanks – our people have beautified this space for generations." Although kind, Nili was not one for conversation. He led me to the most opulent hall I had seen yet. "These are the living quarters of the royal family. Your quarters," he gestured to the first door on the right, and I pushed the door open. Candles dotted across the room, giving a romantic glow to the fine furnishings words from wood – not stone as I had expected.

"You will, of course, be moved in the prince's quarters after your marriage," Nili continued. "You need only to pull the rope by the fireplace to summon a servant. She will provide your bath and new clothes." He made as if to leave, and then turned back. "My lady, I wish for you to know that it is custom for betrothed and married women in Erebor to appear in public veiled. Although your betrothal is not yet announced, it would be best if you wore it at your presentation."

I was surprised. "That is not custom in the Blue Mountains."

"I thought to prepare you. I will send for you in a few hours." Nili shut the door on his way out.

I thought it interesting that a people so consumed by the beauty of their surroundings would seek to hide the beauty of women. However, my circumstances did not permit me to fight the customs of the family I was soon to join. I pulled the rope as Nili had instructed me and I awaited the arrival of the maidservant. She quickly appeared.

"Ora, at your service, Princess Aurvang," she curtsied. She did not wear a veil and her beard was braided away from her face.

"I am not a princess," I found myself more outspoken since the days in the wilderness with the male guards that had accompanied me. "Might I have a bath and proper clothes for this evening?"

"Right away, madam."

The frock she returned with while I bathed was a forest green sewn with gold. The matching veil was a golden mesh that I soon found supplied some measure of air to reach my face. Ora brushed and adjusted the dress while I examined myself in a mirror.

"Ora, are there any customs tonight that I might need to know?" I am embarrassed to say that my voice trembled – perhaps I was more nervous than I thought.

"Well, madam, not knowing what customs exist in both our countries, I will tell you that you must not touch the prince. You may kiss the ring of the King when he offers it to you. Do not lift your veil to show your face. You may lift the bottom to partake of food and drink." Ora, while helpful, did not seem any more of a spirited individual than Nili.

"Thank you. I appreciate your help." Ora left with my bath, informing me that Nili would send for me soon. As soon as the door shut, I sank into an armchair and buried my face in my hands, the fabric scratching my sweaty face and making it itch. I threw it over my heard and scratched ferociously, loosing strands of my beard from its braid. After the itch subsided, I attempted to smooth down the hair, even though no one would see it. I fanned myself with my hand.

There was a knock at the door, and I leapt up, my knees suddenly unwilling to bear my weight. I took a deep breath, hoping my skirts were too full for anyone to notice my trembling.

Nili bowed as I opened the door. "The dress does you well," he said. I was led the way we arrived, turning at the entrance of the city to continue into the heart of the mountain. Great doors carved to tell of great battles of great kings loomed before us, and a squeak came from my mouth before I could stop it.

"Do not be afraid, my lady," Nili said before knocking three times. "Those that live here already love you."

I doubted his words as I thought of the lack of companionship of both him and Ora. The doors were pulled inward and I no longer thought. At a push from Nili I started walking slowly upon a narrow bridge above nothing. Enormous statues lined the walls that went down, down, down – into blackness. What if I was to fall! I stared straight ahead. A single throne was at the end of this walkway, and figures crowded around it, as if vying for a glance at me. Me! I was not worthy of this kingdom.

Upon reaching the dais, I glanced quickly at the King, a kindly looking man dressed to impress, not daring to look anywhere else. I fell to one knee.

"My lord king - I am Aurvang, late of Norgod, daughter of the last King Virfir. I come to honor the agreement made between your lordship and the steward of Norgod in place of my family's line." I perhaps spoke to loud to compensate for my fear, but I was relieved to hear no waver.

"Well met indeed!" the king stood from his throne and held out his hand, the ring of his reign upon his finger. I debated lifting the veil minimally to kiss it, but then decided to just kiss through the fabric. He seemed satisfied and I rose. "May your voice be magnified in your countenance – it is beauteous to us all!" He raised his arms and his voice. "Let us feast in the honor of our esteemed princess!"

I groaned inwardly. I did not hold the title princess, nor did I wish to. The princesses I had known were silly. The king offered me his arm, and since I was not to marry him, I supposed I was allowed to take it. I did, and he led me across the waiting crowd towards a hall just off of the throne hall.

"Your presence is titillating," he spoke to me as if it were a secret. "If I were but a young lad myself, I would fight my grandson for your hand!"

I tried to hold back a nervous giggle, and words ran out of my throat before I could stop them. "It does not seem you would have to fight very hard!"

The king laughed as we arrived at the head of a table laid out with platters of food and a servant pulled out chairs for us. I sat at his right. I spoke again as the king settled himself. "When will I have the honor of meeting my esteemed betrothed, my lord?" His eyes twinkled as he met my eyes, and then shifted them to behind me. I turned, accidently yanking on the veil as I met blue eyes. Blue! I had never met another dwarf or human with eyes of that hue. He was sitting in the chair next to mine, his gaze fastened upon where he thought my eyes might be. As my face turned to his, he bowed his head respectfully. I did likewise. He did not speak. I did likewise. I hurriedly adjusted the veil.

The trembles in my belly prevented me from enjoying the meal – that and the difficulty of partaking through the fabric over my face. Thorin also ate sparingly. I wished I could discern his thoughts – to know if he was pleased my appearance or disgusted at the thought of marriage. I had to try.

"My lord Thorin," I spoke. "I have admired the beauty of Erebor that I have seen. I am impressed by the skill of your people." Step one – compliment.

"I am glad that you find your new home pleasing," Thorin did not face me as he spoke, but he seemed willing enough to engage. "I would be honored to give you a proper tour of our industry after you rest sufficiently from your travels."

I was giddy. I didn't have to follow all the steps of diplomacy to get him to speak! "I would enjoy that very much!"

"Are your quarters comfortable?" he asked.

"Very much so – I'll admit to knowing that craftsmanship of your people but I have heard nothing of the hospitality."

"We rarely receive visitors from the Southern Clans, so I am not surprised," The words were becoming monotonous and I feared that I had mistaken his politeness for interest. I did not know what I had done to prevent his attentiveness. I became nervous again and did not speak.

Several rounds of singing followed the meal, and afterwards I was led back to my room by Nili, but not before a proper parting with the king and Thorin.

Ora was waiting, stroking the fire. I tore off my veil and took my first breath of fresh air in hours. She helped undress me and put me in a nightgown. She left with my clothes and stated that she would return in the morning with another bath, if I wished it. I noticed that my luggage had been brought up and my clothing was hanging in an indented room.

I tossed and turned as the embers slowly died. Doubts plagued my mind. Thorin did not seem interested in me – he had practically ignored me at the feast! Was I to marry a man who treated me like a crack in the wall? Ora had said that touching between mates was inappropriate – perhaps conversation was too. At the very least, he had promised to accompany me on a tour of the city.

With the hope of reaching his heart, I dozed.


	3. Chapter 3

It was several days before the prince made good on his promise to show me the wonders of his home. I had grown tired of being cooped up inside of my rooms with naught but stitching and Ora for company. She patiently explained that women in Erebor rarely left their homes. I was approaching the impulse to stick my needle in my forehead and to babble my way through the city as a dunce, just to see something other than my quarters.

A knock at the door interrupted my uncontrolled, frustrated thoughts. Ora pulled open the door and the tall figure of Thorin entered my chamber.

"My lady Aurvang," he bowed his head and did not look up, as if embarrassed. "I have come to escort you on an expedition of the city, if you desire."

Did I ever! "Many thanks, my lord." I threw my stitching onto the bed and stood, stretching. "I have long grown weary of resting." I then noticed that Ora had fetched a silver veil and was holding it out to me. I had not worn it in the privacy of my own quarters, but since I was to appear in public, I took it and fastened it upon my head. It did not fully match my maroon frock, but I had not yet had the desire to increase my wardrobe to full sets of outfits in the fashions of Erebor. Once my covering was in place, Thorin's eyes rose to mine, and he smiled.

"I think it appropriate, now that our engagement has been announced, that you might take my arm," he held it out and I took it, leaving Ora behind. We strode alone to a lower hall. I was not sure what to say. I hadn't even known our engagement had been announced!

"I have not yet grown accustomed to the veils," I confided, hoping my honestly would appeal to him. "In Norgod, women are openly revered for their beauty."

"Here the women are hidden so that only their husbands may enjoy their beauty," Thorin spoke. "We become jealous easily. Although I was greatly curious to see your face, I am thankful now that you wore the veil at the feast, else the other men in attendance would have grown weak."

What strange humor! To tease about a woman's looks - and often her weakness. "I fear you are making fun with me," I laughed, trying to hide my discomfort.

"I must repay your honesty in turn," Thorin continued. "I was not overly eager to make this marriage."

I was stunned into silence, and a little hurt. He did not speak again until we arrived at the glittering markets. The pure amounts of gold and jewels displayed dazzled my eyes.

"If the rest of Middle Earth knew of our wealth, we would not live so peacefully," the prince spoke, guiding me through the wares and allowing me to stop to examine anything that caught my fancy. The people were reverent towards me, keeping their heads low and speaking with many "Your highness"es and "my lady"s. I stopped especially long at the sole seller of opals – my favorite jewel. After we continued, Thorin addressed my interest.

"Most dwarfs gravitate towards precious stones such as rubies and sapphires. Why do you favor opals?"

"My mother's wedding jewelry was almost exclusively made from opals," I explained. "They belong to the royal treasury, and I have only seen them a handful of times. They remind me of her."

"Were you able to get to know her before she died?" The prince had obviously been informed of my status as royal orphan.

"No. She died giving birth." We continued in silence. Soon we passed from the market.

"Would you like to see my family's royal treasury?" Thorin asked.

I was not immune to the dwarven love of riches, so I agreed enthusiastically. I saw mounds of golden treasures, and then the prince took me to see the miners and craftsmen. We of course mined in the Blue Mountains, but not on this scale, and I told my betrothed so.

He laughed. "Nor anywhere else on this earth. We have reason to boast." It was quite apparent that he loved his family's fortune.

Soon afterward it was time for supper, and Thorin escorted me to the family's private dining room. I was extremely thrilled to not eat alone in my room again. The King and Thorin's father, Thrain, were also dining with us. I was kept occupied answering their questions about my tour that I barely partook of the food. I was still nervous in the great King's presence, and Thorin must have sensed this, but his conversation turner did not ease me.

"We need to decide on a date for the wedding," he spoke. "Aurvang, it is your choice."

I thought for a moment and chose Durin's day.

"Very fitting!" the King exclaimed. "So it shall be! I will send the royal tailor to your chambers tomorrow to begin your trousseau."

I was not keen to receive more of the blasted veils.


	4. Chapter 4

The next weeks were spent in a flurry of planning, fittings, and instructions on how to act as the wife of a prince under the mountain and what duties I would be required to perform. I was so tired, that although I never left my quarters, at the end of the first day I fell asleep in my gown.

Thorin had apparently been instructed by his King to support me in this time of great stress – _Greater than the King knows,_ I thought. The prince spent time with me nearly every day, sometimes including himself in the wedding plans and sometimes watching with a bemused expression as I was pushed around by seamstresses. I become frustrated and often wished I could stick my tongue out at him – but it was no use with my face veiled from the male tailors and Nili, who had been appointed to oversee the wedding.

Several weeks still before Durin's day, I heard a giggle escape from the lips of the prince as I was being forced into hot curlers as the royal hairdresser experimented with my hair. As the hairdresser was a woman and my only torturer at the moment, I was thankfully out of my veil and I gave Thorin my full stink-eye.

"Shouldn't a prince of such magnificence have else to do than watch his bride-to-be suffer?" I snapped. He looked up innocently from the book he had been pretending to read, and smiled at me.

"Your hair is very lovely," he said. "But your expression of pain distracts from the image of the perfect bride."

"Sweet words from a tease," I growled. "You would not be so high and mighty if you were subject to the same as I."

Thorin appeared affronted. "Me a tease? Never!"

I strained to reach a ball of yarn from where Ora kept womanly pursuits stocked to amuse me, and threw it at the smug prince's face.

Hours later, while trying to unwind before the fire in my room after my torturers had left; there was another knock at the door.

"No more dresses!" I half-shouted and I hurried to cover myself before opening the door.

It was the prince. "May I come in?" he asked.

"Yes of course!"

When the door closed again, I took off the veil and restrained myself from throwing it in the fire. We sat before it.

"I came to apologize for my behavior earlier today," Thorin said, folding his fingers together and fixing me with his gaze. "I did not realize the stress you have been under and I goaded you unintentionally."

"You're too kind to apologize," I said.

"Will you forgive me?"

"Perhaps when I am in a more tolerable mood, such as when I am left alone to brood in peace."

Thorin ignored this comment, and drew a package from his vest. "It is traditional for the groom to give his bride jewelry, but I had not wished to gift anything to you before gauging you." He placed the package on my lap, still looking into my face intently.

"This is unexpected," I said, somewhat mollified. I opened the package and gasped. A cascading necklace of opals peered out at me.

"I was hoping you wear them during the wedding," Thorin said, smiling at my pleasure. He reached into the package and pulled a matching ring from the mass. "And I was hoping that you would wear this always."

I could not help the grin that spread across my face. "I will have to confirm with my other jewels that they will not be offended." Our eyes met, and I felt a deep longing inside as the prince smiled at me.

"I have a complaint to take up with you," Thorin said, his smile disappearing as he leaned back in his chair. "You think me to be a tease."

"Very much so," I chuckled as I slid the opal ring onto my finger. "No one has ever called me lovely without laughing afterwards."

"And to answer your earlier question – I have been relieved of most of my duties until midwinter. My father insists that my wife is my duty."

"That's very nice for me," I said. "Perchance you might relieve me of my stitching."

"I will arrange for you to be given a day off from your duties tomorrow," Thorin said. "If they are duties – more like playing princess!"

I was slightly affronted at his casual attitude towards my bane – and he stood and kissed my hand.

"I will come for you in the morning," he said. "We will go riding."

"Good night, my lord," I said, giving him a smile that I could not resist even through his slight. He returned in favor.

"Good night, Aurvang."


	5. 5

We rode all morning – I set the pace much too fast for conversation. My joy spilled over as I reveled in the freedom and the beauty of the countrywide outside the mountain. The few times Thorin caught my gaze he seemed pleased at my happiness. We picnicked on the far side of the mountain, which was not frequented by visitors. Thorin was lying on his side, working some string he had with him into a rope. I noticed that he was dressed casually in a linen shirt and breeches, and I found the sight pleasing. I had taken extra care in my appearance for this occasion, leaving off the veil for most of the ride. I very much enjoyed the feeling of the wind in my hair.

"Tell me about yourself," I told the prince, having finished my meal. I picked some nearby wildflower and began to weave them into a crown.

Thorin sighed. "There is not much to tell. I grew up here, and I have been constantly groomed to take my place as king."

When nothing else was forthcoming, I chided: "Is that it? Surely not. What do you like to do? What do you detest?"

"I enjoy the time I spend practicing combat – I have made many friends among the ranks of warriors. I detest time spent maneuvering through political circles. I wish that as prince I could rise above the petty ambitions of nobles."

I laughed. "Surely you know that being noble does not grant comforts of duty."

"Aye," he said. "But that does not make the duty easier."

I finished the wildflower crown in silence and placed it on my head. Thorin looked up at me and smiled. "You look fetching," he said. "Your hair is almost red in the sunlight."

I smiled back. "Do not seek to change the subject, sire."

"If you address me as the prince, I will act as such and demand you answer my request," Thorin smirked at me. "Tell me about you."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was almost too good at this. "I was also raised to be a diplomatic figure, although my fighting training has been lacking of late. I enjoy reading and travelling. My fondest desires are that flowers would grow in the mountain and that I could throw knives with skill."

Thorin snickered at this. "A dwarf fond of flowers? That is new to me."

"A prince that laughs at the dreams of others! Now, that is a tale older than this mountain!" I replied hotly, not appreciating his teasing.

"Oh! Now it seems with the force and ease of your temper that your diplomatic lessons have been wasted!" He seemed to be enjoying goading me, so I turned and ignored him. He continued anyway. "I could help you to learn to throw knives, if that would please you."

"It would please me," I said primly. "Would you cease to poke fun at me if I so pleased?"

I heard no reply and suddenly felt the fingers of the prince pulling the loose hair from my face. I turned to see him gazing at me thoughtfully.

"If I would make a better husband by always speaking solemnly, I would seek to do so to please my wife," he said gravely.

I was touched. "When you put it in that light, perhaps I overreacted."

Thorin suddenly stood up and held his hands out to me, which I took and he pulled me to my feet. "Come, my princess, I wish to show you the markets of Dale."

"You must not call me that," I said, bending to pick up the tools of our picnic.

"Why not?"

"Because I am not a princess!" It seemed an obvious reason to me.

"You will be after we make our vows. You should grow used to it." Thorin had saddled my pony and he helped me to mount, his hands lingering on my body perhaps longer than they should. I replaced my veil.

We rode into Dale in the late afternoon, where guards from Erebor met us to take our horses and to trail behind us. I was startled by this.

"You do not take such precautions in the palace," I whispered into Thorin's ear as I took his arm and he led me down narrow cobblestone streets.

"You are here to enjoy yourself, do not think about the guards." he said shortly, his mouth a grim line.

"You owe me an explanation later," I hissed. Thorin smiled without looking at me and patted my hand.

We spent only a few hours in Dale, Thorin's terse nature rubbing onto me as I tried to peacefully admire the woven fabrics imported from Imladris. I finally asked to leave, and without another word Thorin steered me back to the gate where the guards were waiting. He was lifting me onto my mount when an arrow whizzed into the shoulder of the guard holding the reins of my pony, who groaned and fell.

The prince shouted a warning, pulling me down and shielding me as he herded me into a crevice below the wall, placing his body between myself and the open. The guards he had brought had already shot down a dwarf dressed in a black hood, who had fallen from the guard tower. Several guards took off into the city, swords drawn.

"Are you hurt?" Thorin grabbed me by the shoulders, examining my figure.

"No – what was that!" It had happened so fast - panic had just made its appearance.

"We need to return to the city as fast as possible. We'll ride together." I was quickly surrounded by guards and hoisted onto Thorin's larger pony and he mounted behind me. He held me tightly as the pony began to gallop, and I turned my neck to strain to see the events behind us. It was almost too far to tell, but I could see the fallen hooded dwarf being dealt a death blow by the guards.

"I am sorry – I knew Dale was not safe for you in my company. I should not have taken you," Thorin murmured into my veiled hair over the sound of galloping hooves as I turned to face Erebor, shocked at the violence I had witnessed.


	6. Chapter 6

It was another several days before I saw the prince again. His lack of explanation of the violent events outside of Dale and subsequent absence grated on my nerves, and my mood became more sour by the day. I grew so tired of the badgering from Nili about my preferences of everything from food to flowers that one day I shouted at him to leave before I took my knitting needles to his eyes. He left swiftly, as did Ora and the others that tittered around me like a flock of birds, and soon Thorin came.

"I hear you are becoming increasingly frustrated at Nili over our wedding plans," he spoke after I had admitted him moodily and sat myself back down, arms crossed.

"I can't just sit here!" I burst out. "I am not a passive woman. I cannot see death and forget it – or do nothing about it!"

Thorin sighed and took my hands in his. "Aurvang. Tensions have been increasing between the people of Erebor and foreign dwarves who made the mountain or Dale their home. The King was hoping that by his grandson wedding a foreign princess, those that feel slighted by those that have lived in Erebor for generations would see his willingness to accept dwarfs of all kingdoms. Also, that those in Erebor that turn their noses at foreigners would know that the King supports foreigners – and that they might be silenced."

"Well! Isn't this nice! Why was I not told before I came here? Perhaps a bit of preparation would have not gone amiss!" I was angry and he knew it, and he was clearly uncomfortable.

"I am very sorry for not warning you. I should have. I did not know that you would understand or even care about politics."

"I don't care for politics, but I must care about them," I said. "Now it is my turn to apologize – for not being a silly clot-headed princess who cares not of the wake of destruction she leaves behind her!"

"Aurvang, please. I am very thankful – everyday, that you are intelligent enough to understand my burdens. There is no more I can ask for in a wife."

I tore my hands from him and crossed my arms again. "What am I supposed to do? What can I do? Is there anything that I might do to help the situation?"

Thorin looked thoughtful as he leaned back. "Women here do not often get involved in politics, but I suppose because of your educated upbringing you might be able to help in some way. All I can ask of you now is to be strong."

The last days leading up to Durin's Day were fraught with difficulties. More fittings, more badgering, and more demands on my time meant that I was spending less and less time with the prince. He still visited frequently, but not as often as before. He had taken upon himself some of his former duties – mostly the ones involving my safety. The night after we spoke of the unrest he assigned rotating bodyguards to attend me at all times. It was a nuisance for me – but Ora did not mind, judging by the misty eyes she sent the larger of the two regulars.

The worry of the growing distrust between the dwarfs also filled my mind. I knew that no matter what I had intended, some would hate me, and that I could do nothing about it. There was no use being distraught over that lost love.

_My duty is to my King. My duty is to my King,_ I found myself repeating over and over in my mind. My duty to my King was to marry his grandson and carry on the line of Durin. My duty, according to Thorin, was to be strong. My duty, according to dwarf custom, was to bear his burdens and to counsel him, and to love him. The last part will be the easiest, I thought to myself, fearing that my counsel would be childish and my comfort juvenile, never having fully entered court life before. I explained this fear to the prince one week before we were to be wed.

He had brought steaming cups of tea for us during an evening visit, having arrived shortly after my posse had departed.

"It is of no consequence," he said, tracing the rim of his mug with a finger, concentrating on the cackling fire. "You will learn quickly enough. You seem sensible enough to not make rash judgments or petty requests."

I am sure that he did not fully comprehend my gnawing doubts of myself. I did not reply and he left soon after. My worries did not dissipate before the wedding.


	7. Chapter 7

I was woken early by Ora and a train of servants, each bearing something that would be needed to get me prepared for the ceremony. There were at least two dozen. I was so startled by their sudden entrance that I swore and almost wet myself.

I was bathed head to toe as my wedding dress was touched up and examined by the royal tailor to make sure that not one stitch or jewel was out of place. After being patted dry and placed in a robe, my hair was fanned out and brushed near the fire, perhaps the most uncomfortable position I had ever been in as I was forced into holding my head over thin air for over an hour. Several hands hurriedly caught my mass of hair into minuscule braids that cascaded nearly to my knees. My beard was twisted into itself – a painful process. I was finally placed on a pedestal and the gown was draped over my head. It was quite snug, but from the nods of approval from around me it was sufficient. Lastly, Ora placed the necklace of opals in my neck and a silver circlet on my head that draped a small, face-only veil over my eyes. I supposed that this was so that the audience might enjoy the full beauty of the ensemble. Two servants had brought in a massive mirror, and while the gown was being brushed and final adjustments made to my hair, I studied the reflection.

The gown was marvelous – the dark blue hues were striking against the color of my hair. A net of tiny opals decorated the skirt – the blue that shimmered in them matched both the necklace and gown. A tight silver belt matched the circlet and veil. My only issue was that I could not see my hands – and to use them would probably be impossible. I tried. I had to shake my arms or pull them up to gain mobility. _Tailors and their fashions_ , I thought ruefully.

There was no time to rest. After I was declared ready, I was escorted from my chambers by my guard and Ora, who were rushing me down hallways.

Once again I stood by the gate into the throne room, where the ceremony would take place. I heard music from behind the doors, and stood, waiting, for several minutes. Finally, the great doors opened, and I entered the massive room.

There were more people crowded in this time – all festively dressed in oranges and greens for the celebration of autumn. I could feel the thousands of eyes on me as I walked on the narrow bridge alone. _This would be a much worse time to fall to my death_ , I thought to myself, restraining a nervous giggle. I searched for the groom – he was standing by the raised dais where the King would conduct the ceremony. His eyes were among the thousands, but they were the ones I really sought for approval from. As I grew nearer, I noticed that his chin was high and a slight smile was on his face. I approached him, curtsied to his bow, and we held hands - an awkward transition. I had lifted the great sleeves and Thorin seemed momentarily baffled at what he should grab for. I ended up shaking the sleeves back so that our hands could clasp. His hands were hot – a relief to my clammy ones. He met my eyes and gave me a nod, as if to reassure me.

The ceremony was traditional, and as such very long. Soon Thorin's hot hands were a burden, and sweat began to drip under my corset. I could not concentrate on the words, and only focused when it was my turn to speak. The itch growing on my back was unbearable, and the heeled shoes I was in began to pinch. Then suddenly the crowd started to cheer, and Thorin raised my hands to his lips, kissing them, and the ceremony was sealed. It was our turn to step on the dais as noblemen filtered pass to congratulate us and for us to receive their gifts. My discomfort only grew, but I was fortunate to only be required to clasp hands with well-wisher. Thorin was doing the talking and thanking – his graciousness was genuine, and I found myself impressed that he was so controlled under such pressure.

After hours of standing on the dais, we led the crowds, arm in arm, to a large reception hall where tables were set up for a magnificent feast. We were seated front and center, with the other members of the royal family. Since they had already congratulated us, we were temporarily relieved from polite conversation.

"I am sorry this day has been long," Thorin murmured to me as the first course was served.

"I will never marry again," I vowed, earning a chuckle from the prince.

"I would – if I could see you dressed so finely again," he whispered. "Blue is my favorite color. It favors you."

"Many thanks," I replied softly. I hadn't even noticed what he was wearing, my sight impaired at short distances through the veil.

"I will do my best to end this nonsense as soon as I can," he continued. "I was not able to sleep last night and my bones are losing their ability to move."

"Thank you again! I have never been so sweaty or itchy in all my days."

At this our short conversation was ended as Thorin's father engaged him from his right, and I focused on eating as neatly as I could with the veil. The guests were having a raucous time – the loud laughter and beating of mugs and fists on the table soon set pounding to my head. For hours it continued, I sat properly stiff long after I had finished eating. Finally, bless him – Thorin stood, and after taking my hand led me from the hall amid cheers from the crowd that would continue its feast for hours still. Thankfully, the corridors were deserted, but I waited until we were closer to the royal family's rooms to take off my veil. I waved the flimsy fabric in front of my face, grateful for the small breeze it provided to my sweaty face. Thorin noticed this and laughed.

"You seem quite flushed."

"I did not realize it could get so hot for nearly winter," I said, huffing as we climbed stairs, hindered by the weight of the gown that had worn out the strength in my shoulders. Thorin supported me with his arm on my waist and we continued.

"My grandfather has lent us the King's chambers for the next several weeks," he said as we approached the largest doors at the end of the hall, flanked by two guards. They opened the door for us, and Thorin led me into the darkened room.


	8. Chapter 8

There was no light other than the fire after the doors were shut and locked. It was thankfully cooler than the reception hall, but I still wasted no time in removing my headpiece. I noticed that the closet, nearly as large as my previous bedroom, had already been stocked with my clothes, as well as Thorin's.

I felt his fingers at the back of my neck, unhooking the opal necklace. His touch lingered for a moment, and then he drew the necklace from my skin. I could feel goose pimples forming across my body. He placed his lips behind my ear, and his hands grasped my shoulders. I almost shuddered with delight.

It was natural for me to turn and to present my lips for kissing. I had, of course, never been kissed, and Thorin wasted no time placing his lips on mine. It was even more divine than I had imagined. Soon the layers of clothing between us were shed, and I could see the deep contours of the prince's muscular body in the firelight. He picked me up and carried me to the massive bed, setting me down on a pile of furs. As he began to move inside of me, my eyes closed and I was swept away on a wave of delight.

I was woken the next morning by a ray of sunlight warming my face. I was momentarily confused, and squinted in the direction of a window – a window! A luxury only for a king's bedchamber, I supposed. There was soft tickling on my nose, and turned to see a white lily being held to it by Thorin, dressed only in breeches and standing by the bed, smiling. The light made his eyes shine like sapphires. I beamed back at him.

"Did you sleep well, my queen?" he asked.

"Very much so – thank you for asking," I replied, sitting up and accepting the flower. "And yourself?"

"Better than I have in months," he said. "I took the liberty of having breakfast brought to us, if you are ready to face the day."

I was - and so I stepped into a robe that Thorin held out for me and we sat at small, oaken carved table where a variety of breakfast foods were laid out for us.

"This is much more lavish than I am accustomed to," I said, spreading marmalade onto a slice of fresh bread. "Being married to a prince has some very nice advantages."

"I hope you will find more in the coming days," Thorin said, pouring himself a mug of hot tea. "This is our honeymoon, and we may do whatever you would like."

"Anything?" I raised my eyebrows. "So, if I wanted to run screaming through the city veil less, you would be obliged to allow it?"

The teapot hit the table hard, startling me. Thorin's mouth was set in a grim line as he said angrily, "That is out of the question entirely. I will not have base dwarfs looking upon my wife." He seemed so overcome with emotion that he stood and paced for a few moments, fists clenched tightly behind his back.

I did not know what to say. His reaction surprised me and pierced my heart, bringing tears to my eyes. After he sat back down, breathing deeply, I said: "My apologizes, I did not mean to strike a chord. My comment was meant only in jest."

Thorin grasped my hand and looked me in the eyes. "You are mine – and I guard what is mine jealously. Do not speak again of rampaging through the city uncovered."

I nodded, looking down at my lap so that he would not see the dampness in my eyes. He did not miss it, however, and seemed to calm himself.

"My darling, I am sorry for my outburst," he reached and touched my chin with his finger. "Especially after last night – I was out of line. I just cannot bear the thought of another dwarf looking upon your beauty. I would like to keep you to myself."

I laughed bitterly and wiped my eyes. "I would not consider competition an issue."

"I would – anything that takes you from me is my enemy."

I did not reply, and we finished the meal in silence.

~

The next several days consisted of everything that would bring and husband and wife closer together. We went riding – although not without guards, read companionably by the fire, and of course – we took joy in discovering one other's secrets. One secret that Thorin guarded shamefaced was his musical talent with the harp. As soon as I discovered this, I insisted on him accompanying me while I sang:

_The world was young, the mountains green,_  
No stain yet on the Moon was seen,  
No words were laid on stream or stone,  
When Durin woke and walked alone.  
He named the nameless hills and dells;  
He drank from yet untasted wells;  
He stooped and looked in Mirrormere,  
And saw a crown of stars appear,  
As gems upon a silver thread,  
Above the shadow of his head. 

_The world was fair, the mountains tall,_  
In Elder Days before the fall  
Of mighty Kings in Nargothrond  
And Gondolin, who now beyond  
The Western Seas have passed away:  
The world was fair in Durin's Day. 

_A king he was on carven throne_  
In many-pillared halls of stone  
With golden roof and silver floor,  
And runes of power upon the door.  
The light of sun and star and moon  
In shining lamps of crystal hewn  
Undimmed by cloud or shade of night  
There shown forever far and bright. 

_There hammer on the anvil smote,_  
There chisel clove, and graver wrote;  
There forged was bladed and bound was hilt;  
The delver mined the mason built.  
There beryl, pearl, and opal pale  
And metal wrought like fishes' mail,  
Buckler and corset, axe and sword,  
And shining spears were laid in horde. 

_Unwearied then were Durin's folk;_  
Beneath the mountains music woke:  
The harpers harped, the minstrels sang,  
And at the gates the trumpets rang. 

_The world is grey, the mountains old,_  
The forge's fire is ashen-cold;  
No harp is wrung, no hammer falls:  
The darkness dwells in Durin's halls;  
The shadow lies upon his tomb  
In Moria, in Khazad-dûm.  
But still the sunken stars appear  
In dark and windless Mirrormere;  
There lies his crown in water deep,  
Till Durin wakes again from sleep. 

I enjoyed singing very much, and had practiced continually when I was younger. Thorin had kept his eyes on me the entire performance, and when we were finished he praised my talent.

"Your voice is beautiful," he said. "I would have thought that with your numerous virtues, your abilities would have to end somewhere."

"My capacities are not as numerous as you suppose," I replied. "I have a greater quantity of weaknesses than strengths."

Thorin placed the golden harp he had been plucking onto the ground, and he pulled me to my feet. "I will add humility to your growing list of qualities." He kissed me soundly then, placing his hands on my waist where he sought to make me laugh, something that he had discovered quickly after we were married.

I squirmed away, trying to keep a straight face to prevent Thorin from believing that he got to me. He did not give up, and for the hundredth time, we enjoyed marital intimacy in its fullest.

_Song of Durin's Awakening © J. R. R. Tolkien_


	9. Chapter 9

Winter solstice had always been a favorite time of year for me – warm mead, holly, and sleigh rides. This year brought all the happiness it had in previous years, but also more bitterness. Thorin began to resume his duties, and I was left alone for many hours of the day. Ora was often with me, but her company was limited to stitching and knitting.

It was the day before the winter solstice feast that Thorin brought with him a mood so sour I could nearly see a storm cloud hovering over his head.

"You would think," he said angrily, pacing before the fire. "That a nobleman that has lived his life and career in the company of royalty would know what to not offend one of royal blood! Especially when the husband of the target of his insult is within earshot." He made a strangling noise in his throat and sat down heavily in the chair across from mine, where I had been calmly knitting a dark blue scarf for him.

"Was it about me?" I asked quietly. He did not respond, instead he set his head in his clenched fists, eyes closed. I stood up and placed my knitting in my chair, walking over to my husband and placing my hands on his shoulders, kneading them. He stiffened at first, and then relaxed under my touch.

"The gall and arrogance of these petty men! They are shameless!" Thorin continued furiously. "It is not their place to question the motives and intents of their king."

"I agree," I murmured, willing for him to carry on.

His hands covered mine, stilling them, and he turned to look at me grimly. "They question your honor and why you wedded me. They say you desire power and came here to upheave the political structure of our kingdom."

I almost laughed – the idea was absurd. But the intent look in Thorin's eyes kept me from turning the situation into a joke. "You cannot change the thought or intents of pandering noblemen," I reassured him. "You can only hold your head high and not give in to trivial dramas."

Thorin closed his eyes again and rested his forehead against our hands. "Your wisdom surpasses mine at nearly three-quarters my age," he moaned.

"It's not wisdom," I said. "Only common sense born from social experience."

"You must think me to be a fool, raging over something such a trifling."

"No," I said gently. "Any emotion can be a strength, dependent only on how you use it."

Thorin was still, and after a few moments I went back to my knitting while he stared into the fire. We spent the remainder of the evening in a more comfortable silence.

We were soon after moved from the King's chambers into Thorin's quarters. It had been quite gracious of the King to lend his massive rooms to us, but I would miss the windows and space – or so I thought.

Thorin had led me blindfolded into his rooms. I was incredibly nervous – I did not like surprises. Several steps later, the floor raised and I could feel a chill breeze. Thorin took the blindfold from my eyes, and I found myself standing on a balcony on the side of the mountain, facing the golden fields that surrounded the mountain!

My surprised expression made Thorin laugh as he wrapped his arm around me. "I had this cut for you," he said. "So that you could have your flowers."

I did not speak, instead I threw my arms around the prince's neck. After a moment, I murmured, "You are the sweetest dwarf I have ever met."

Thorin kissed me. "Only the best for my wife. Also –" he pulled a package from his vest. "I had these seeds bought for you from Dale. You'll find anything else you need in that box," he motioned towards a carved wooden chest on the balcony.

I started right away. I told Thorin of my desire to have chairs on the balcony, and he took it upon himself to carve them by his own hands out of oak. I potted several pots of seeds over the following weeks, which bloomed violently in the warm spring air. The atmosphere the fresh air and blooming flowers created was beneficial to me as I continued to try to help Thorin to overcome his frustration over the continuing political tensions. He would often work with his hands to release his anger – either on the chairs or weaving rope. A thankful discovery for me was that Thorin relaxed when I played with his hair – braiding it or otherwise. He would stop what he was doing and hunch his back in relaxation. These tender moments kept me rational in my isolation, and helped the prince to retain his sanity.


	10. Chapter 10

Although the dramas of politics did not lessen, I saw a change in Thorin's demeanor into something more proud and tolerant. He also began to take me to a private combat training room deep in the mountain.

"I am sorry that I have not had the chance to focus on your combat skills," he said the first time.

"Do not worry," I said. "You have more imperative burdens."

And so the first hours of our mornings were spent together teaching me not only how to throw knives, but sword fighting as well. Thorin was quite patient with me, and I always wondered why he would spend his time with a dolt like me rather than practicing running the kingdom.

~

Near midsummer, I discovered that I was pregnant. I did not look forward to telling Thorin. We had not discussed when we would have children and I fretted that he was not ready or would think me irresponsible. I had Ora bring chilled wine to our quarters one evening, and I sat, nervously preparing to share the news, for hours before Thorin arrived.

He entered, his boots stomping louder and quicker than normal, and I saw that his face was full of an excitement that was usually found in children.

"Dress yourself, Aurvang!" he said. "You must come quickly! A miner has found the heart of the mountain! You must see it."

I hurried to cover myself and to put on boots and allowed myself to be dragged by Thorin to the throne room in record time. Several dwarfs were crowded around the throne, where the King was holding something reverently in his hands. The crowd parted for us, and the stone caught my gaze immediately.

It was almost like an opal – but more. It shone as if lit from within, casting colors of all hues into the eyes of all its observers. I stood, transfixed, for several minutes until Thorin whispered in my ear:

"It's a good sign – with more nobles speaking against the royal family by the day, it is a sure sign of the rightness of the King's rule."

"Is it really?" I was surprised – I hadn't pegged Thorin as a devout believer in the divine.

"The question of its validity is irrelevant. What does matter is what the people believe," he replied.

Disgust coiled in my stomach. "So you would have them believe a farce?" I hissed. "How can you dismiss so casually the feelings and beliefs of your people?"

Thorin's back stiffened and he turned us right around and nearly dragged me back to our rooms. He slammed the door shut behind us and rounded on me.

"You do not have the right to question my motive," he said angrily. "Your status as my wife does not matter – I am first and foremost your prince!"

"If your wife doesn't question you then who will?" I cried, ripping off my veil. "You need to be balanced."

"I am a descendent of Durin! I do not need to be balanced! I need to be powerful!"

"Since when?" I asked, taken aback. Thorin had never acted like this before.

He was silent, and I noticed white spots forming in my vision and blinked hurriedly, trying to fight the rising feeling of vertigo. It did not cease, and the last thing I saw was Thorin's face contorting into sudden concern as he saw my eyes roll back into my head and I fell.

The pounding in my head grew too insistent to ignore, and I moaned at the pain. A pair of hot hands squeezed mine, and I heard Thorin's voice.

"Aurvang! Are you awake? Are you ok?"

I mumbled incoherently. I noticed that I had been laid carefully under the thick furs of our bed. A cooler hand touched my forehead, and an unfamiliar voice spoke: "She will be fine, my lord. Just make sure she does not sleep for the remainder of the night."

"Thank you, Oin." The hand left my face and a few moments later I heard the door shut, wincing at the pierce the sound sent through my head.

"Would you like to sit up?" Thorin asked me.

"No," I said firmly.

"You mustn't sleep. You hit your head rather hard." There was another moment of silence. "You frightened me," Thorin said, nearly too quiet to hear.

I knew – somewhere in my fazed mind, that I should sit up. I finally opened my eyes and tried raising myself to my elbows. The pain did not increase, so I pushed myself up all the way and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My head spun again, and I nearly fainted again. Thorin arm reached around and he placed a strong hand on my back to keep me steady while his other hand still gripped mine. I wondered if the baby had been hurt by the fall, and my free hand went to my belly. Thorin's eyes were drawn there, and a look of confusion and realization passed on his face.

"Are you with child?" he asked, searching my face, his own unyielding.

"Yes," I whispered.

He let me hands go, and strode to the fire, where he leaned his arm on the mantle and stared into the flames.

"I'm sorry," I said, tears spilling onto my lap.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?" Thorin turned to look at me, startled at my words.

"I didn't think – we never spoke of it. I did not think you wanted a child. I should have been more responsible," I buried my face in my hands, overcome with anguish at Thorin's apparent rejection.

His hands drew mine away and I looked up to see his blurred reflection only inches from mine.

"I want this child," he said, a smile forming on his features. "I am astounded, that's all. It is a glorious surprise."

"Truly?" I asked, and in answer Thorin laughed and picked me up, spinning me around and then sitting in his chair, holding me tight on his lap. "Oooo…" I moaned, feeling my supper considering making an appearance. Thorin silenced me with a kiss - several, in fact, and we spent the night in each other's arms. It was a wonderful distraction from the growing nausea.


	11. Chapter 11

The pain in my head was long gone by the time Thorin left for his duties in the morning, but the nausea, if anything, had doubled. I spent the day lying in bed with a bowl close in the case that I vomited. The day ran into the night with no relief – and soon days were passing with no acknowledgment from me. I was completely useless. Poor Thorin had been completely ignorant of how pregnancy affected women – and his awkwardness at my sickened condition would have made me laugh if doing so would not trigger stomach spasms.

As dwarf gestation lasted a total of 12 months, I was hoping that the nausea would pass by Durin's Day. My estimation was only off by a few weeks, and by midwinter I was feeling normal again. Thorin was quite shocked the day he arrived at our rooms to see me clothed and airing out the space with the cold winds from the balcony.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, drawing me in for a hug – our first physical contact in months.

"Yes, thank you," I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. "I wish that the weather would celebrate and the sun would shine that I might enjoy something – anything."

Thorin's brows furrowed and he pulled away, eyes travelling to my belly. "You've grown!"

"That's a good sign," I said, closing the distance again and nuzzling his ear. "I hope you're pleased."

"I am happy to see you alive again," I could feel the vibrations of his deep voice in his throat as his hands roamed up my back. "I've missed you."

"So how will you be amusing me now that I need amusing?" I asked. "I have seen enough of this room to last me a lifetime."

"Hmm….perhaps…if you are interested, my grandfather is granting public audiences tomorrow. You might accompany me and observe. You will not be bored, that is for sure."

I agreed.

…

I was dressed completely in black – to make me less conspicuous in the background as well as to disguise my condition. I stood immediately behind Thorin where I could see the events in the front of the King's throne, and so that Thorin could protect me in case violence broke out as at Dale.

Although I was happy to be out of our chambers, after several hours of audiences my legs and back were stiffening and I yearned to stretch. I focused on the goings-on and tried to forget my discomfort.

"Your majesty," A careworn female bowed to the King. "My husband has died in an accident and my children and I are nearly starving. I have not been able support by family as a laundress and I have no other skills."

"Can you weave?" the king asked.

"Only a little, sire."

"Very well – you will be apprenticed to a weaver so that you may learn the trade and support your family. Until you are earning money you many have an allowance from the royal coffers that will accumulate interest."

"Thank you, your majesty," The woman stood and walked away. I noticed that Thorin was shifting restlessly.

"Will this last very much long longer?" I whispered as loud as I dared without being rude. His hands signaled to me in _iglishmêk_ behind his back that it would last until sundown. Only a few more hours, then.

A richly dressed male was now bowing before the King. "My lord, I have a significant question to pose regarding your policies."

"Go on," the King said.

"The native citizens of my house have been the victims of horrible attacks from outsiders – thieving dwarfs from Nogrod and Belegost." I felt red-hot anger spreading from my face to the rest of my body at his offence towards my homeland. The dwarf continued, "I wish to know how I might protect my people and how the problem of the dwarfs that ignore our laws will be punished."

Murmurs were running through the onlookers. Thorin's back stiffened.

"Surely it is not as severe as you make it sound," replied the King patiently. "What is the other side to your tale?"

"One of the scum that my guards captured claimed that my butler had beaten him in a tavern and that it was only fair for him to retaliate. It is utter nonsense, your majesty." I could not help rolling my eyes. This dwarf was completely out of line!

"I will be the judge of that," the King said.

"But sire, it is not just my house that is suffering from the horribly barbaric behavior of the uncivilized –"

"Enough!" Thorin bellowed. "If you have no validated cause to set your case before the King besides spreading vicious rumors about those you do not understand, leave!"

The nobleman smiled, as if he had accomplished something, and bowed before turning to leave, the waiting crowd silencing after Thorin's outburst and the uncomfortable departure.

Thorin walked up to the King and spoke to him before returning to me and leading me away from the throne, my legs shaking from anger. We were followed by several guards. When we were safe and locked in our rooms, the long walk to our chambers being very uneventful with so many armed followers, Thorin immediately apologized for taking me away, seemingly calmer than when he had spoken out during the audience.

"I know you wanted to be out, but when your safety is in question, you must stay here, no matter how boring."

I fumed as I cast my veil aside, wanting to tear it to shreds. " _Hubmel ulhhaj_!" I cursed. "Who does he think he is! So high and mighty that he is allowed to tread on anyone he dislikes. Dwarfs that use their privilege of serving their city on a political level – bah! How dare he speak ill of my people while he manipulates and schemes to sabotage their well-being –"

"That's quite enough, you've made your point," Thorin was laughing. "I am so glad to make acquaintance with your colorful language."

I huffed and stomped around the room a few more times, throwing pillows and anything else I could get my hands on, mumbling curses.

"Aurvang!" Thorin had caught up with me, restraining my wrists. "Compose yourself. He will be dealt with."

"Might I be the lucky dealer?" I asked angrily. "If I could give him a piece of my mind…"

"That would be unwise."

"But if I could! He would know that my people are not so easily cowed as he might think."

"If your people were easily cowed, he would not have to appeal to the King," Thorin said gently, leading me to my chair and setting me down. "Truly – you must relax. For the child."

I knew he was right, but still my fury smoldered. Thorin did everything he could think of to please me – he rubbed my shoulders, brushed and braided my hair, and read to me from History of Greenwood. I did not understand why he was caring for me so and told him.

Thorin smiled, his eyes wrinkling around the edges. "My sweet, so many evenings you have calmed me when I was in a temper. Marriage is a partnership, not a stewardship."

It was these times that I loved him best, and I finally relented my wrath.


	12. Chapter 12

The next weeks were the happiest I had known. The joy of the budding life inside of me was matched only by Thorin's wonderment at the development. We now pushed our chairs together in front of the fire in the evenings, and his hand would rest on my swollen belly as he quietly read political discourses, searching for solutions. Knowing of our child and its future kept him more relaxed as tensions did not ease between the foreign and native dwarfs. I did not worry myself about it anymore. Although I wanted to make a difference, I knew that in my condition it would be nearly impossible. I had to trust Thorin to do his duty with integrity.

Spring was beginning to creep back into the world, and I went back to my flowers. It became increasingly difficult as the aches in my body increased by the week, but Thorin would help me as I needed. I found him especially attractive with his sleeves rolled up and his arms covered in dirt, sweaty and smiling as he proudly showed me how he had arranged the flowers by color.

"You do know that flowers do not arrange themselves as such in the wild," I said, happily wiping down his face with a damp towel. "But men do not understand such things."

"I think that they look wonderful!" Thorin said, affronted. "Especially for my first time."

I laughed at his sensitivity, knowing he was only teasing.

…

It was only a few days later when Thorin arrived later than usual, his face dark with concern. He would not speak at first, and only sat in front of the fire, troubled.

"I have been noticing for some time," he said, breaking the silence. "My grandfather has not been acting normally of late."

"How so?" I asked. I had been knitting foot coverings for our babe.

"He spends hours in the treasury, staring at the gold and jewels as if naught else existed in this world."

"Dragon fever," I muttered, his worry seeping into my own emotions.

"I was hoping you would have a better answer," Thorin sighed. "I worry for him."

"So speak to him," I urged, placing my hand on his knee. "Try to get him to see reason."

"I am not sure if that will help – but I will do as you suggest," he said, sighing again and placing his hands behind his head. "I think…I will also write to Frerin and consult him."

This was surprising to me. Thorin rarely mentioned his brother and I had always assumed that their strained relationship would keep it that way. Apparently the health of their grandfather was worth the awkwardness.

…

It was only a few days later, in the growing heat of summer, that the mountain began to shake and smoke poured into our rooms through the balcony. I peeked outside the door and asked the guard what was happening. He answered that he didn't know, but echoes of screams and shrieks began to reach my ears. Dragon.

It was only seconds later, though it felt like days, that a heavily armored dwarf came running down the halls.

"My lady! You must come. Thorin has asked me to protect you and get you away from the mountain. There is no time to take anything."

I lamented the loss of our comfortable home only briefly – the fear for my life as well as Thorin's was dominant in my mind. The guard outside my door ran off – to join the fight, I supposed.

"Where is Thorin?" I asked the dwarf, who was holding me by my arm tightly and pulling me down hallways.

"Defending the front gate," he replied, not turning back. "Curse it - I should be there with him!"

Terror welled up inside of me – Thorin might die! In all probability, he would die. My heart started pounding so fast it felt like it might burst, and a horrible cramping feeling had me screaming, fallen to my knees in an instant.

"We must hurry, my lady!" When the dwarf saw that I was in no condition to walk, he picked me up and began to run with me in his arms. The distant sounds of crashing, crumbling, screaming and howls from the dragon were now almost overwhelming, but the pain in my belly was only increasing, and I fought to stay conscious. I willed the baby to stay until this ordeal was over.

We were high above the entrance hall, and while I was being carried down the steps I thought the mountain had exploded. Debris and rocks were strewn everywhere – and so were bodies. Dread filled me again.

"Thorin!" I shrieked. "Thorin!" We were at the gate, joining crowds of dwarfs fleeing from the devastation. "Thorin!" I did not see him, and I screamed again as my pain increased and blackness filled my vision.

…

When I awoke, I did not know where I was. I noticed that I was in a tent – and on a cot. I could hear dwarfs all around outside the tent, talking, crying, and shouting. My senses were drowned out as the pain overtook me once more and I cried out.

"You need to push, my lady," The dwarf who had attended me when I fainted in our rooms months ago was sitting at the foot of the cot, his hands applying pressure to my belly. I remembered that his name was Oin. "Your babe is coming."

"Where's Thorin?" I asked, frantic.

"He's organizing the refugees," he replied. "He will come as soon as he can."

I wailed as another contraction made its appearance. I did not want to birth this baby without my husband. I told Oin so.

"You don't have a choice, my lady. The babe has been stuck in the canal too long already."

"Is it alive?" Another reason to panic. Silence met my question, and Oin said simply:

"I do not know."

I pushed for hours. My mind soon grew numb and my vision hazy. It became hard to understand what was happening, and so when Thorin finally entered I felt no relief. I was barely aware of a hurried, whispered conversation between Thorin and Oin. He then spoke to my guard, whom I hadn't noticed standing near the entrance of the tent, and looking to me a bit green.

"Thank you for keeping her safe, Dwalin," Thorin spoke to the guard and dismissed him. He then knelt by my side.

"I'm sorry I could not come earlier," he said quietly. "This is a disaster." I did not register his words. The searing pain in my lower parts stunned all my sense. Soon Thorin left my side to speak to Oin, who was holding a blanketed bundle that could only be my baby.

"Let me…give it to me…" I whispered, the strength to speak fading. Thorin took the bundle and left the tent, and Oin turned back to my tattered body.

"Sleep, my lady. Time will heal your body. I will tend to it."

I had not realized how tired I had been, and the exhaustion outweighed the agony. I slept.

…

I woke again when Thorin strode into the tent. We were alone. The sun was shining though the tent flaps.

"It was a girl," he said simply, and he sat on a stool, facing away from me. He hunched over and was silent.


	13. Chapter 13

I woke next when I was being lifted from the cot into a padded wagon. Thorin stood over me.

"We're moving on," he said.

The days were lost in the jarring motions of the wagon. I rarely saw my husband, as he spent the days at the literal head of the people. When he did visit me, still in the care of Ora and Oin, he spoke shortly and did not stay long. I still remained veiled at all times.

The death of our daughter, and it seemed our relationship, as well as the destruction of our home was a sharp, constant pain. I wept constantly, cursing fate and hating myself – for killing the baby and driving Thorin away. It was weeks of travelling before I felt well enough to stand and walk, and even then I dragged my feet and moped. I was sleeping less and less and the days continued, the absence of Thorin's body next to mine leaving me jittery and unsettled. He spent his nights among the people, resolving disputes, hearing complaints and assigning rations and jobs. Soon days began to pass between our interactions, and I became impatient. The loss of our daughter was devastating, but my wounds were healing with the hope of trying again. I was tired of not having a husband.

One morning I hurried to the front of the ranks. Thorin was shouldered with several weapons – apparently being surrounded by dwarf warriors still did not help him to feel safe.

"Greetings, husband," I said, matching my stride to his. "Fine day today."

"What do you want, Aurvang?" he asked, not glancing my way.

"I want my husband," I answered.

It took him a moment to respond. "I'm busy."

"Suddenly duties that you could delegate to others take preference over your family?" The comment was snide, and I meant it to be so.

"Do not question my motives," Thorin spoke shortly, as if he no longer had patience for me.

"I will question your motives! You are being so selfish, acting like you can do what you please and that I will stand by and be affected by your thoughtless decisions! I wish to have my husband again because I am lonely. I have never been in so much pain in my life and I have no support."

"You're not the only one in pain," Thorin's voice raised in volume. "You have lost a child – but I have lost a home! My people have died and those that survived are depending on me to lead them with the King giving in to complete insanity and my father too filled with grief to see reason."

"And you have no help as well! Why have you locked me out?"

"Because it hurts me more to see you!" Thorin began shouting as he stopped walking and turned to face me. "Seeing you suffering pains me! I do not wish to worsen the situation!"

"You are not the only one who may decide that! We make decisions together, or have you forgotten?" My tone matched his - the dwarfs that had been following our strides were backing away in embarrassment. "It worsens the situation that we no longer have each other."

Thorin looked to the sky and I saw that his eyes were filling with tears. After a moment, he looked back at me sadly. "I love you, Aurvang. I truly want us to be happy again, but – I am anxious. Everything worries me. All of this responsibility and grief came rather swiftly."

"If you take me back, I will aid you in any way I can," After I said it, I prayed that he would accept. I needed him desperately and he needed me, even if he was too proud to admit it.

Thorin reached out and touched my face. I closed my eyes and wished I was not veiled so that I could feel his skin. "It will be a comfort to have your company again," he admitted.

"It is settled then," I said. "Now, Ora has not allowed me to carry anything thus far – might I help bear your burdens? I am not confident in the stability of those weapons." I was handed a bow and arrow to be carried on my back, and a belt with knives on them.

The conversation between us was not easy for the remainder of the day. Once we were camped for the night, I asked Thorin what his duties for the evening were.

"I do not know yet," he said. "I normally walk among the people and offer what help they need."

"And how long does that take?"

"All night, generally."

I thought for a moment. "Very well. You will sleep tonight, and I will serve the people."

"Certainly not!" Thorin said, surprised. "I have duties – "

"Which will be done, so please calm down!" I was slightly exasperated. "I know you are often out during the night, and so you need your rest. I do not sleep well. It is a rather practical arrangement."

Thorin grumbled and complained, but events went as I said. He needed rest, albeit he required me to remind him.

And so I spent the night among the people. I was recognized as the prince's wife because of the veil, and most the dwarfs turned their eyes from me. I was surprised that my offers were continually rebuffed, and then I happened across the dwarf that spoke out against my people in the King's conference months earlier.

"Although your intentions are noble, my lady," he said snidely, loud enough for those around us to hear. "Your efforts are misplaced. We do not trust foreigners here." The comment received mumbles of approval.

"Beg pardon," I said, the old anger rising again. "But I was under the impression that your home was destroyed. Correct me if I am wrong, but you are in need of charity as much as anyone else."

The dwarf narrowed his eyes. "Your kind does not give charity – they only steal from those that are fortunate enough to live comfortably."

"Then you must excuse me from attempting to assist your fellows – I must go to the King to have your title rebuked. Call that thieving, if you must, scum, but I would consider that to be justice. I believe that noblemen that do not use their administration privileges to oversee the people are wealth-seeking power-hungry cowards and as such should be dismissed and disgraced." I turned to leave, head held high. Fury boiled inside of me – I wanted to scream in frustration.

"Then favor your thieving kin!" the man shouted behind me. "You are not good enough to lick our prince's boots! You cannot even bear his child properly!"

I turned and marched right back to the no longer nobleman, and struck him in the face. He cowed, as I suspected he would. But he did not give in.

"How dare you! A woman assault a man! You go too far, woman!" he yelled.

"I do not go far enough!" I bellowed. "Listen well, bastard – for I will not say this more than once. You are common and as such you do not question your superiors, even though you do not consider royal blood to be so. Your delusions of magnificence are misplaced! You are no nobler than the lowliest worm. You are not only stripped of your title, but you are banished! Never sully the ground that my prince walks on ever again – or my assault on you will be much more severe."

"You do not have the power to do that!" my opponent shrieked.

"Aye, she does," A familiar voice spoke above the crowd's whispers. I turned to see Thorin, standing in the shadows, arms crossed. "And you best do as she says or face the consequences. I for one can attest to the truthfulness of her threats. I will be up for a sound beating now that she is aware that I am not sleeping as I was ordered to do." A nervous tittering ran through the avidly watching crowd.

"This is absurd!" The disgraced dwarf would not cease and I turned back to him.

"Not nearly as absurd as your illusion that your own vanity is more important than a people starving and lost!" I snapped. "Open your eyes, dwarf, there are more important matters at hand than your conceit."

The dwarf's face of shock held for a moment more.

"Move!" Thorin roared. The dwarf ran from the scene. "And don't you all have else to do than stare at the embarrassment of one of your own?" he asked the crowed, and it dissipated. I turned to him, my knees shaking violently. I took his arm to stay steady, and we began walking back to our camp.

"I have never been so unkind in all my life," I moaned, lifting my remaining hand to my face as if to hide my mortification.

Thorin was laughing. "I have not been so pleased since before the dragon came," he said. "That was magnificent!"

"Don't tease," I sighed. "I should not have said all those horrible things."

"I'm glad you did. They needed to be said. I hope that your message spreads to the other discontent-mongers." He paused. "I hope that you do not take what he said to heart. I do not blame you for our daughter's death."

I sighed again, grief revisiting my heart. "I feel as if it's my fault."

"It's the cursed dragon's fault," Thorin said, his expression turning stormy. "I swear, it will die for what it did." When we approached the location where his tent was pitched, I asked:

"What will you do now? It seems that you are incapable of following my instructions as to your health."

Thorin thought for a moment. "I might find it easier to sleep with my wife warming my bed," he said huskily.

I did not have to consider that proposal. "Lead on, my lord."


	14. Chapter 14

Weeks later we arrived at a large town of men, where Thorin and the other male dwarfs attempted to barter their skills for supplies. I was put in charge by Thorin, who now fully trusted my administrative skills, to oversee a more permanent camp.

Thorin's trust was not the only that I gained – many women now praised my courage in standing up to the nobleman. I did not feel as if I deserved it. Rudeness and cruelty were not traits I wanted to develop further, no matter how tough they made me appear or whether they were interpreted as brave. I told this to the women.

"Courage does not dwell solely in the sword arm," I found myself repeating. "Our strength as women is not to belittle others, but to help uplift them." Those listening often seemed inspired, although I often considered it being a farce for my benefit.

Although the attention made me uncomfortable, it was not nearly as painful as helping young mothers to tend to their children. Watching the spirited females play made my heart ache, and so I tried to serve by mending clothes and cleaning rather than tending the little ones. Once, after a long day of blacksmithing in the city, Thorin came upon me in our tent crying. He gently laid my head on his chest and stroked my hair. It was some time before I was composed enough to speak, and before I could I noticed that I was not crying alone.

"It's hard, is it not?" he asked quietly. "Living on while our daughter does not. I would have given my life for her if given the chance."

"I would have as well," I said, wiping my cheeks raw with my sleeves. "But I am thankful to be alive, although the cost is almost too great to bear." Thorin mumbled in agreement, and I continued. "It pains me to see children every day."

"Oin told me that the scars inside might never heal," he said. "Still I wish to try for more children, if you are willing."

"Do you think the hurt will lessen if we do have another child?" I asked, nestling deeper into the furs he wore.

"Lessen, yes. Vanish, no. But any less degree of grief would be welcome."

I knew he was right, and I did not relish the thought of carrying my grief for the rest of my life.

…

Soon we moved on from that town to the next, and so on for many months. Thorin's shoulders sagged and he no longer carried himself as a prince, rather a worn out work-pony. Creases developed on his forehead, and his smiles became more infrequent. I did all that I could to lift him, but his brooding made it difficult, and my own spirits were low.

Near to a year after we left Erebor, a permanent settlement was made in Dunland. Thorin worked harder to build houses, and I was worn every day from helping to build homes. The small progressions we made in our relationship began unraveling with the little time we spent together. When we did find time for one another's company, we were both exhausted and frustrated at the stresses of building the settlement. We would often snipe at each other. Intimacy became less frequent, and to make the situation worse, the King and Thorin's father became obsessed with reconquering Moria after years of desertion.

"How can they even believe that with our dwindling numbers we might take the city from those foul orcs?" Thorin ranted one evening. "They are delusional with grief and denial."

"So are you," I snapped. "You forget that you are not the King and you cannot make those decisions. Let them be."

"Not when the lives of our people are at stake!"

"Oh bother!" I threw down the accounts I had been reading of expenses of shipping timber from a nearby town in frustration. "Bother you and your stupid pride!" I stormed from our hut then, covering myself from the cold winter winds. I left the borders of our growing town and stamped in the snow for a bit. _If he wants to be a King, he should act like one_ , I thought angrily. _But he isn't the king, and so he should start acting like the man I married!_ The thought of happier times made me even more miserable.

I cried for a while in the snow, thinking over and over again, _I failed, I failed, I failed_. The moon was sinking down to the horizon by the time my shame over my outburst towards my husband began to fade. I needed to return to him.

He was sitting by the fire, smoking his pipe. He did not look up when I entered, though he seemed calmer. I sat by him and took his hand.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I forgive you." He turned to look at me. "I must apologize as well."

"Stop," I said. "I know that I have been behaving poorly recently. I should not let my stress affect our relationship."

"Neither should I."

"No," I admitted. "But I am at fault, and I must try to fix this."

"I will as well," Thorin said. "I have been very unhappy for some time. I wish to find joy in our marriage once more."

I laid my hand over my breast. "I promise to cease my unbecoming conduct."

"And I," Thorin placed his hand over mine. "Vow to treat you like the Queen you will soon be."

"Queen?" I groaned. "Princess is hard enough, thank you very much."

"The title comes with me. I'm afraid we are a package deal," Thorin smiled then, his eyes crinkling around the edges, deepening the wrinkles that had begun to develop. The desire to be close to my husband sank over me, and I kissed him.

"I suppose you are worth the disadvantages," I murmured.

"There can't be very many," he joked in return, stroking my cheek with his finger.

"I can only think of benefits at the moment." And so I pulled him by his hand to our cot. "Such as the possibility of having another child."


	15. Chapter 15

Unfortunately, Thror and Thrain were adamant in their idea to reclaim Moria, and three summers after Thorin told me of their intent, the men departed on the quest. I could not bear parting from my husband – but as prince he did not have a choice as to whether or not he would go. Dwarfs from the Iron Hills were to meet the army at the Misty Mountains to lend aid.

As soon as I discovered that the army was to depart on Midsummer's Day, I devoted myself during the following months to trying even harder to have a child. I went to Oin several times.

"I'm sorry, my lady," he said. "But if the trauma is too great, you may never become pregnant again."

"Please," I begged. "Isn't there anything to be done?"

I was given an herbal tea to drink daily – which easily became the low point of my life. Choking down steeped, bitter herbs was not a skill I had developed, and I often had to take two doses because I would retch up the first. I became tense, always thinking about the children that I was not given. Thorin did not know of the medicine, but he was keen enough to notice my distress, and when he had enough energy leftover at the end of the day, he would make special efforts to make me comfortable and happy. His sweet efforts would bring tears to my eyes, but still I could not become pregnant.

…

The morn the army was to set out, Thorin was ready early. I clung to him as long as I possibly could, earning grumbles of impatience from my proud husband. Unhappiness was setting in me again – it had now been five years since the death of our daughter. Although that amount of time does not age dwarfs as it does men, I felt as if I was a thousand years old and that I would die childless.

Only a month from the time Thorin departed, my prayers were answered and I found that I was pregnant. I cried from happiness, and then ran to Oin's to discuss what I could do to stay healthy.

"Do what you did last time," he urged.

"I didn't do anything!" I exclaimed. "Now I have responsibilities – I cannot abandon the families in need!"

"And what about your family? Isn't a few months' rest worth a healthy child?" he asked. I felt ashamed, and told him I would do as he suggested. But it did not matter – the pregnancy only lasted a further six days.

To occupy myself and to try to fight my growing despair, I spent more time caring for children of mothers who had to work to support their families. Many of their husbands had been lost in the dread dragon's attack, and so were suddenly overwhelmed with the work to be done. I had no children myself, after all, and being a member of the royal household I did not have to work for my living. Although it still pained me to see others' children, I knew I had to overcome my despondency and carry on.

The months dragged by with no word from the men at Moria. I began to fret even more about Thorin and his safety. _I would relinquish the chance to live in Moria if my husband could be alive, well, and with me,_ I found myself bartering to whichever gods would listen. One of them did – Thorin returned to me, albeit three years later, but still physically whole. He was lucky, as most the army did not return, and I was sure that the cries and laments of the women-folk could be heard from miles away.

The moment my husband came through the door, weary and filthy, I knew that the quest had not gone according to the hopes he had tried to place in his sires. I ran to embrace him, but his actions seemed stiff and lacking of affection or real response. The first thing he asked for as a bath.

I did not want to pry as I scrubbed his back, but I wanted to know what had happened. And so I kept silent. I did not tell him about the miscarriage.

"It was a nightmare," he finally said, head bowed over the suds, as if the weight of his cares had finally overtaken him. "The city had been completely overtaken by orcs. I wanted to turn back! No home, no matter the magnificence, is worth the costs of so many lives. The King was killed. It was a white orc – he carved his name into the forehead of my grandfather. And so it came to battle."

Oh no, I thought. It was worse than I had imagined.

Thorin's voice broke. "Nain and Frerin were killed as well."

I did not know what words of comfort to offer his aching soul.

…

I was long asleep when the noises next to me brought my mind to wakefulness. I rubbed by eyes and turned to see Thorin flaying about, moaning and crying, still asleep. The nightmares of war had taken over his mind. I began shaking his shoulder.

"Thorin! Wake up!" He started thrashing more violently, knocking furs onto the ground. I shook him harder. "Thorin!"

He awoke and bolted to a seating position, hands grasping around for weapons that weren't there. He saw me and my worry, and the fear left his eyes before he closed them and collapsed back down.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he said, rubbing his face with his hands, still trembling.

"It's alright," I sat and pushed Thorin's head up, shimmying under him so that his shoulders rested between my legs. I set his head on my belly and began stoking his hair. "Would you like to speak about it?" I asked.

Thorin was still. "I see Azog massacring my grandfather," he whispered. "The desecration was…horrible. I see Frerin being cut down. I see men that I have known my entire life being sliced into pieces by those foul orcs, who drank their blood. I couldn't save them. I couldn't save any of them." He began crying in earnest. "I want to forget, but I cannot."

"The shock will fade," I said quietly. "You will never forget, but you will be able to move on." I paused. "You are not accountable for the deaths of your kinsmen."

"Yes, I am," he contradicted. "That is the responsibility of kings. We protect our people."

"You are not the king," I reminded him, beginning to rub his shoulders. "This was Thror's decision – and his downfall. You could not have changed his actions." Thorin seemed soothed – at least for now. He turned and kissed me. He smelled and felt the same as he always had, and I inwardly sighed with bliss. "I love you," I whispered.

Thorin smiled up at me. "I do not deserve your goodness," he said, and he pulled me in closer for more kisses and caresses.


	16. Chapter 16

Thorin began working with goldsmiths to take his mind of off the horrors of the battle. I was thankful for his safety and relative sanity, but still I yearned for the companionship of the happy man I had married.

The season was melting into spring, and I spent a few days cleaning my own home. I was beating a rug outside when I was approached by a dwarf.

"My lady," he bowed to me, staying out of range from the drifting dust. "I am Balin, son of Fundin, at your service."

I stopped my actions, trying to catch my breath, and curtsied. "Aurvang, at yours."

"My lady, I came by to ask if you have had an account of the events outside Moria," he continued, placing his hands behind his back.

"Only what Thorin has shared with me," I said, confused. "Although he has been vague – I've assumed it is because it is too painful for him."

"Then I will tell you – if you will." I agreed and invited him into our home, where we sat by the empty fireplace.

"Now, what have you come to tell me?"

Balin was solemn. "Your husband is a hero," he paused. "He attacked the pale orc that had killed his grandfather. We were losing on all fronts. The orc was moments away from killing the prince – and he found and used an oaken branch to defend himself. He defeated the pale orc. Their ranks were broken as Thorin brought our forces together with our last strength, and we were able to leave with our lives," he paused again to wipe his eyes. "My father was killed, along with so many others. But your husband has earned the respect of our people."

"Thorin did not tell me this," I whispered. "Thank you."

"None deserves to know of the courage of the hero more than the hero's wife," Balin said, and he patted my hands, which were balled up and sweating in my lap. "I did not think he would tell you. His humility is almost too great."

"He will make a wonderful king," I said.

"Aye. And he will have the support of the people. All of the people." Balin stood and bowed, and left. I did not move from my seat, instead I watch the sun set through the open door, my thoughts full. The stars were blinking into my vision when Thorin returned home, filling the doorway with his figure, which was carrying the rug I had left out.

"Thank you," I told him, taking the rug from his arms and setting it down. I embraced him tightly. He seemed surprised, but not unwilling.

"What is it, sweet?" he asked.

I decided that perhaps he would not be pleased about what Balin had told me, and so I said nothing.

…

I began again to take the bitter herbs Oin had prescribed me to help me to become pregnant. Thorin remained unaware. I was ashamed of my inability to conceive and carry a healthy child full term, and I often thought that the ridicule that was likely sent my way from the people was warranted.

Once the spring cleaning of my home was complete, I began to think of a project I could do to benefit the youth of our small town. It was some time before I decided on an idea.

"I would like to build a school," I told Thorin over supper one evening.

"For what purpose?" he asked, not looking up from his stew.

I rolled my eyes. "To teach children. You know, the normal functions of a school."

"Why?"

"Because I believe that children should be educated. Also – it will make things easier for the widows that must work outside the home. They would not need to worry about the care of their children during the day any longer."

"And who would be doing the educating?" Thorin looked up and met my eyes.

"Well, it would have to be someone with no other duties," I said. "With resources to care for the children – and of course, knowledge enough to share."

"Have you selected a worthy candidate?"

"Myself, of course," I said primly. "I meet all of the criteria."

Thorin smiled, as if he had known all along what I intended. "Do you intend to use the royal coffers to undertake such an endeavor?"

"Well – yes. I thought that the families that would enroll their children might make a small donation apiece – but they are poor. I cannot ask for payment for such a service."

"Your proposal sounds reasonable."

"And to build the schoolhouse, I thought that on weekends the community might lend their skills."

Thorin nodded. "Of course, it-"

"I was thinking of teaching the most important skills to be had in our situation. Perhaps some economy studies, diplomacy, management of finances, and of course, I would ask a warrior to take the older children though some strength training so that they can defend themselves –"

"Stop! Stop!" Thorin wiped his eyes, which were tearing up from mirth. I had not noticed his laughter at my expense. "You win! Consider your plan approved."

I had not thought that winning his blessing on my project would be so easy. "Oh, thank you!" I reached across the table to kiss him, but his guffaws were too violent for me to get a hold on him. The tease.

…

It did not take as long to build the schoolhouse as I had expected. Thorin left the goldsmiths to help build it, and he recruited several comrades to help. I was also surprised at the number of mothers that came to me and asked for me to accept their children in the school. I became worried that I would not be able to handle so many at once, so I arranged with several tradesmen to tutor a group of children about once a week apiece.

About a month into the program, it became apparent that it was a roaring success. The children were eager to be doing anything other than going to work with their mothers (very boring), or being watched, along with several others, by an elderly family member (no fun at all).

I became so busy that I was more tired than Thorin the evenings. I barely had the energy to plan the lessons I would teach the next day, and Thorin often had to prepare my notes while I dictated to him tiredly from our bed. I was immensely grateful for his caring patience and support, and the days began to pass in a content blur.


	17. Chapter 17

The happiness was not to last. I should have expected it.

Thorn did not seem pleased about breaking the news to me. "My dear," he took my hands in his as we were walking back to our home after a long day at the school. He and the warrior Dwalin had spent the afternoon drilling the older children in defense combat. "My father has decided that our people will migrate to the Blue Mountains."

I thought I took it relatively well. "Well. There's nothing for it, then," I said, feeling slightly dazed. Then I realized – we would have to leave our home! I had worked so hard to keep this town afloat from the time it had been built. Not to mention the school I had poured my heart into. I stopped walking. "Wait a moment – am I honestly expected to uproot my stable life here to go to my ancestral home with my tail between my legs, along with the remains of the strong kingdom that I was sent to to be married?"

"Well – yes."

I wrenched my hands from Thorin's and took off, stomping down the lane to where I knew his father dwelt, who had been King since the return from Moria. I was too upset to knock.

"Pardon me," I barged in, startling the King from the table where he had been sitting, which was strewn with documents. "You cannot be serious about uprooting our lives here. We are happy! Has not one mass exodus been enough?"

"Aurvang…" Thorin had caught up to me and grasped my arm. "Please don't –"

I did not stop. "I know that it is your duty to protect us, but taking us through the wilderness once more to where we don't even know we will be welcomed hardly seems safe. Many of the families here cannot afford to be relocated!" I was breathing heavily, my indignation at this thoughtless decree evident.

"I'm sorry, Father," Thorin said, tugging on my arm. "She has had a difficult day. Come now, Aurvang."

"No," Thrain held up a hand. "She is right." He stood and walked around the table and stood in front of me, solemn. "I will address your concerns." I had not noticed that where his left eye should be, puckered and scarred skin had grown over. It must have happened during the battle at Moria – Thorin had left out that detail as well. "I believe that we could have a better life in the Blue Mountains. Life here is satisfactory, but I want the lives of my people to be full with joy and comfort. That is why I have decided to migrate."

His words made sense, but still I narrowed my eyes at his civility towards my insolence.

"Also – a rather selfish reason. My daughter lives is Belegost," Thrain said. "I wish to see her once more, as well as her sons. Those that cannot finance their own way, will of course be provided for. And lastly, I have been in contact with the steward of Norgod, and we are welcome to make our lives in his province."

The King sounded rational, not like the delusional madman that he appeared to be at times. I did not want to admit it – his reasons were sound and not without thought towards the people. Still, I was not pleased, and after the proper parting words were spoken, I stomped home.

"Aurvang, please. You're being unreasonable!" Thorin almost struggled to match my pace.

"Unreasonable!" I fumed. "It is unnecessary! It is a gamble that risks the livelihoods of so many people." I paused, and turned to look at him accusingly. "You want this to happen!"

Thorin hung his head. It would have been in shame if he was capable of such an emotion. "Yes. I do."

"Why!"

Thorin stopped me. "I want to see your home. I want to know where you were raised, and why you are who you are. Why you have your quick temper and sweet heart."

"Harumph," I grumbled, taking off again. "That knowledge does not dwell in the stone walls of the castle. You must have a better reason."

"Very well. I agree with my father. We have the chance for a better life elsewhere."

We arrived at our cottage while the dusk deepened to a violent orange. I set about to preparing a meal while Thorin sharpened his weapons on the front steps. I was still so upset that I did not give my full attention to the meal. My mind remained roaring with anger until we had sat down for the meal, and after Thorin's first bite he gagged and spit it back out. I looked at him with eyes full of irritation.

"I'm sorry – but this is not your normal cooking," he said, scrubbing his tongue with his napkin. "This is foul."

Affronted, I took a bite of my own. The herbs Oin had given me! Oops. I had been paying even less attention to what I was doing than I thought. I must have appeared guilty, because I did not escape questioning.

"What did you put in the food?" Thorin asked suspiciously.

"The wrong herbs, that is all," I said, hoping he would cease his prying.

"These herbs do not belong in anything fit for consumption!" he exclaimed.

"They are medicinal," I blurted, my nervousness taking reign over my caution.

Thorin looked at me strangely. "Are you ill? Why do you have them?"

My already tumultuous emotions spilled into shame and sadness, and I could not look at him in the eyes. A tear fell onto the table. "Oin told me that they might help me to become pregnant."

My hand was grasped tightly. "Have they worked?" he asked softly.

"Once, before you left for Moria. I miscarried only a few weeks later," The grief of that day grew in my mind, and I began to weep. I heard Thorin's footsteps around the table, and he pulled me to my feet and embraced me tightly.

"My sweet, I am sorry. I did not know."

"I did not want to tell you," I hiccuped "When you came back you were so full of anguish from your experience. I could not make it worse." I laughed shortly and wiped my eyes. "It has not been a good day!"

"You sit," Thorin led me to my chair. "I will prepare a meal."

"Is that wise?" I asked anxiously, wringing my hands as he began pulling items from the pantry. He turned and grinned cheekily at me.

"Perfectly."

I was dubious – and rightly so. His meal was only barely more palatable than mine, but with the enthusiasm that he prepared and devoured it, I politely told him that it was delicious. He was very pleased with himself.

…

The next morning I was woken by the smell of the bitter tea. I opened my eyes to see Thorin holding a mug out to me.

"I want you to know that you have my full support with whatever you try to get pregnant. As long as you are not hurt," here he looked at me sternly. "If you are in danger, it must stop. You are worth more to me than a thousand potential sons and daughters."

"I agree to your terms," I said, sitting and taking the mug. I could not help making a face at the rancid smell rising from it. "This treatment is not pleasant, but it has worked before. I hope that it will work again."

"Only one way to find out!" Thorin took the mug right back from me and I was tackled back into the bed.


	18. Chapter 18

The next several weeks were spent preparing for the journey. I hardly had time to pack my own home – I was kept very busy helping those that needed an extra hand. Soon the day dawned that the wagons began pulling out of our little town, and I took a last, mournful look at our small home before Thorin pulled me along.

The flowers in the wild were just beginning to peek out in the warming air of spring. I collected many seeds as we were walking and kept them in safe in a pouch. Thorin still found it very amusing when I did this – he had apparently not overcome the fact that his dwarven wife loved flowers.

"You know, it is a weakness to only find beauty in certain things – such as jewels and gold," I told him, giving him a look full of long suffering.

"I find beauty in else than jewels," he said, hefting the sword he was carrying on his shoulders. "You are beautiful."

"You are very sentimental these days," I wrapped my arm in his. "This is quite out of character."

"Maybe I want to change my character."

I hooted with laughter. "Very likely! What next? Will you begin writing poetry?"

"Perhaps," Thorin tweaked my nose through my veil. After a moment he declaimed solemnly: "Thou findest beauty in the withering plants of this world, mine own eyes find the light in thy hair unfurled. The exquisite curves of thy body ignite fires, like unto those found on funeral pyres…"

"Stop it!" I was aghast.

"So no poetry?" Thorin smiled at me. His cheek almost won me over.

"I think that when you compare passion to funeral rites, your career as a poet is over," I said. "No maiden would want to hear that rubbish from the mouth of a lovesick youth!"

"You did not care for my poem? I had a mind to dedicate it to you!" But he could no longer keep up his farce in seriousness, and we burst into laughter together.

…

I was carefully tracking my menses as we travelled – if I was to become pregnant I wanted to know immediately so that I could adjust my habits. But I was not favored by fate – I remained barren.

…

We arrived in Belegost with the winter winds, weary and grimy. I was long tired of walking and Thorin had developed a sag in his shoulders – as did many others, including the ponies that were carrying our belongings. It was a relief to enter a mountain once more. We were sent by dwarfs in the tunnels to where Thorin's sister, Dis lived. I did not know what to expect, but I soon found out.

She had been expecting us – before we had arrived at her dwelling she ran out and straight into Thorin's arms without so much an exclamation and held him tight. I thought it strange for a brother and sister to act as such in public, but I tried to take it in stride. She did not wear a veil.

"Brother! I have a bone to pick with you," Dis removed herself from his embrace and immediately punched him in the shoulder. He winced. "You have not written to me since the dragon's attack! I only knew you'd survived because Father has the consideration to write me! Where is the little dwarrow you were so anxious for?" She turned and looked at me, her expression melting from indignant to something that I interpreted as distaste.

"Might we rest briefly?" Thorin pleaded. "It would be best if we could share our story in private." She allowed this, fetching a servant to see to our wagon, and we were soon sitting in a richly furnished parlor. I did not feel comfortable sitting on her lovely furniture without washing up first, but Thorin did not seem to mind, and so I copied his actions.

"Fili and Kili are so excited to meet their cousin – although the age difference is quite large. I believe that they just want another little one to pick on," We were served drinks by a servant as Dis continued talking.

Thorin was clearly uncomfortable. "Dis…the dragon killed our child."

I felt a wave of relief when he blamed the dragon rather than me. I did not want this woman to be more inclined to dislike me.

"Oooh…" Dis covered her mouth. "Do forgive me – I should think before I speak."

"Where are these boys?" Thorin asked quickly, changing the subject. "The way to write of them makes them seem like rascals."

"I soften their antics for you! You will find that they are much worse in person," Dis said. "They are in combat training at this time – they will join us later."

Thorin nodded, accepting this. "Where will we be staying? Father has been vague – I often doubt that he has thought this scheme of his through."

"Father will be staying as my guest," Dis replied. "I have arranged for you to stay in rooms not too far from here. If you would like, I can have a servant show you there now so that you may have time to make yourselves presentable for supper. You will be dining here."

"Yes, please," Thorin answered, and we were soon led out of Dis's home. She did not accompany us to our new home. Once were we shown in, the servant bowed and left, and we were alone. Thorin rubbed his forehead as we stood and gazed at the mounds of luggage that had been left in the front room.

"I am sorry," he moaned. "I love her, but I had forgotten how pushy she is."

"Who?" I said, ornery. "I have not been introduced to anybody today, so I am not sure who you are referencing."

"Pushy and blind, then," Thorin said. "I do not know how anyone could ignore your presence."

"Your words are a comfort," I was still annoyed. "I did not know that it was custom among your people for siblings to be so intimate in public."

Thorin shrugged. "It was strange. Sometimes I feel that Dis still acts like a child."

"Well…I did not want to be the one to point that out…"

Thorin laughed and began to pull items from the pile. "I hope that she will not force her company on you too often."

"I would think not – I am not sure she even knows that I exist," I rolled up my sleeves and took off my veil and began to help. "I am grateful for that."

"Give her a chance, sweet," Thorin said. "Perchance you will find her more personable when you speak to her one on one."

I promised that I would.


	19. Chapter 19

The days were uneventful, with Thorin dividing his time between his nephews and his father, who was depending on him more than ever. I did not receive any callers or invitations, which I did not mind. I was happy to spend my days in our small quarters, weaving or knitting clothing to give to the needy. I did miss my husband, but he was so happy that I did not begrudge the time he spent away from me. We had had much time together in the years since Moria, and I was content to be alone.

The only darkness to my days was my continued infertility. It would have been easier to overcome if the sight of Thorin roughhousing with his nephews did not pain me so. He would spend hours teaching them, passing on the knowledge that he would have reveled in sharing with our own children. The young boys adored him. I fell more in love with my husband as I watched his no-nonsense authority combine with slight amounts of spoiling. They did not need extra, as their mother gave plenty, but I imagined Thorin with our daughter often. He would have been completely at her mercy, and I grieved that I could not give him that chance.

…

One evening, in the heat of midsummer, Thorin arrived home late in the evening, throwing his weapons onto the floor. I nearly fell out of my chair – I had been dozing by the empty fireplace.

"Sorry," he said, not looking very sorry. He began undressing.

"Oh, hello," I said. "How was your day today?"

"Difficult. Kili got teased for his lack of beard by a girl. He was so upset that his combat abilities deteriorated entirely. He almost shot Fili."

I sighed. "I had almost forgotten what it was like to be young."

Thorin grunted and did not answer as he sat down in his chair, pulling off his boots. Then he spoke: "Why are you not in bed?"

"I was waiting for you," I shrugged.

"You do not need to."

"But I wanted to."

"You do not need to!" Thorin asserted, loud and firm. "You are not my mother!"

I was hurt. Our relationship had thankfully lacked the arguments that make up most marriages, but I should have known that it would happen eventually.

"What have I done?" I asked. "I do not know what actions of mine have turned you bitter."

"Do you think me ugly because my beard is not full?" Thorin asked quietly.

I was surprised. We had not discussed this before. "Of course not," I said. "I love you because of your great heart, and your kindness, and your ability to lead without question."

"But dwarf women are attracted to long beards."

"Yes," I admitted. "But still, any dwarf with a long beard is not you. I am only attracted to you."

Thorin looked at me and smiled meekly. "You must say that, you are my wife."

"I say it because it is the truth," I reached out and placed my hand on his. "You should know this by now."

He placed his hand over mind. "I do know it. But that does not mean that I do not still struggle." We shared a smile, and he continued briskly. "You should visit Dis sometime – Fili and Kili tell me that she often speaks badly of you, that you do not make an effort to know her."

I rolled my eyes. "She does not make an effort in return!"

"I know, but she must be humored."

"No!" I said, aghast. "Sometime she should learn that it is not our responsibility to treat her like everything revolves around her."

"That does not matter – she is first and foremost my sister, and yours too," Thorin said, standing up. "Come to bed."

…

I called on Dis the next afternoon. I was escorted into the parlor, where she was waiting. I took off my veil and placed it on my lap while another servant brought in a tray for tea.

"Thorin told me that you were beautiful," Dis said, pouring the hot water while eyeing me carefully. "I suppose that it depends on the eyes of the beholder."

Ouch! This woman was less mature that even I had thought. "He exaggerates," I said lightly. "For better or worse."

"It is a flaw he has developed since childhood," I was handed a cup of tea, and Dis continued. "It makes me wonder whether he wanted a child at all, since when he wrote to me he said he was ecstatic!" She laughed. "Exaggeration indeed."

"I believe I know him well enough to judge that his love for our daughter was genuine," I said. _Be kind, be kind, be kind._

"Hmm," Dis took a biscuit and dipped it into her tea. "I suppose that it is good that you feel that way."

A few moments passed in silence. "Thorin has been enjoying spending time with your sons," I said, hoping that she would pick up the train of conversation.

"Naturally – I knew he would. They are precious," Dis said. "I am, of course, their mother and should therefore be biased, but I know myself and I know that I am incapable of such partiality. It is a wonder that more young ladies do not throw themselves at the boys!"

I could not believe my ears. She was crazy!

She continued: "I do consider that they got their good looks from Durin's line – my husband, rest his soul, was not the most attractive. For that matter, Thorin and Frerin are both quite average. I have heard rumors that our grandfather was quite the heartbreaker in his day."

"I find Thorin very handsome," I said.

"Then love has made you both blind!" Dis decided.

"Of course, it is difficult for one to find another attractive, when one spends all their time gazing into the mirror," I said smoothly. "A simple reflection of one's own face blinds the vain."

Dis looked at me strangely, but from the look in her eyes I knew that she had not caught on. I was safe. I spent the rest of the afternoon merely agreeing and listening, and by the time I was released, Thorin was long home and I could feel my irritation pulsing inside of my head.

"Did it go well?" Thorin asked.

"I have never been so disgusted by one of my own," I told him, refusing the option of tact. "She is selfish and vain, and thinks herself to be a saint. She throws out offenses as if it is candy to children. She is bold, inconsiderate, and cruel."

Thorin did not disagree. "I do not expect you to like her, but I do hope you have been civil."

"I did play her game once – but she is too thick to catch on to subtlety," I groaned and threw myself onto our bed, covering myself with a thick fur. "That was more unpleasant than drinking than foul fertility tea!" I cried, my voice muffled.

I felt Thorin's hand on my leg and pulled me back out from my cover. "We are to dine with the King tonight," he said. "Do not mention Dis' indelicacies."

"I won't," I grumbled. "I was raised with manners." We began to dress in our finer clothes, and I could not help asking: "How is that you are so kind and she is so sour?"

Thorin shrugged. "She is the youngest and the only girl in our line for three generations. My father spoiled her."

"When we have children, let's not spoil them," I declared, fitting a veil over my head.

"Let's concentrate on having children before we decide how we will raise them," Thorin lifted my veil back up and planted a kiss on my lips. "Come – I do not fancy being tardy."


	20. Chapter 20

The following morning I decided to take a stroll around the markets, which were located near the main entrance of the huge mountain city. I had no particular purpose, although I had some spare coins that I wished to spend on a gift for my husband. The next Durin's Day, in six weeks, would mark the twelfth year of our marriage. I wandered aimlessly through the stalls, deciding that whatever I got him would have to be simple - something that he could have with him always. I was rifling through bins of furs when I felt a tug at my skirt, and I looked down to see a snot-nosed little girl dressed in rags.

"Please, madam, do you have some food?" The voice was piteous. My heart wrenched at the sight. I reached into my purse, pulling out a coin. I did my best to keep the money out of sight, as it was like a beacon to other beggars and I did not fancy losing Thorin's gift, no matter how noble the cause. The girl ran off with her prize.

I continued on through the market, and stopped when I saw a goldsmith selling wares. He was peddling gorgeous rings and necklaces that I could not tear my eyes off of.

"You're the prince's wife, then?" the dwarf asked. He was sitting on a stool, smoking a pipe.

"Aye," I said.

"He worked for me while we were in Dunland," he said. "Best dwarf I ever trained."

"I can believe that," I replied. We were silent, and then I asked: "I wish to buy a gift for him – have you any suggestions?"

The dwarf scratched his chin. "Don't rightly know, miss. But I can tell you that he most enjoyed the most delicate and intricate work."

I thanked him, told him I would return, and left. I was just passing through the stalls to the main walkway when a ripple of whispers ran through the crowd, and the noise of a commotion reached where I was standing, and I stood on tip-toes to see what was happening.

The King was standing high above the crowd, waving his axe above his head. "Come, my brothers!" he bellowed. "We must reclaim Erebor! It is our destiny and our right as children of Aule! The dragon has slept on our gold for far too long!"

Titters were running through the crowd, and I blushed at the fool the King was making of himself. The King stepped down and walked through the mass of dwarfs, addressing them individually. "Our children must know of the sweat and pain we have put into our home! We cannot sit here comfortably else the dragon wins!"

As he passed by me, I saw that his eyes did not bespeak sanity, and I began pushing my way in the opposite direction through the horde, wanting to remove myself from the mortification of seeing my father-in-law lose himself. As I ducked away, I heard the King shout:

"If none else will take us arms with me, I will reclaim my throne alone!"

…

I paced anxiously for hours before Thorin arrived at nearly midnight. He was disheveled and seemed nearly as irrational and wild as I felt.

"Has he gone?" I asked.

Thorin nodded, and he turned to shut the door. He paused after locking the deadbolt, and then rested his forehead on the door for a moment. Then he slammed his fists against the door, making me jump. "I cannot believe it!" he cried. "Of all the senseless, selfish, daft –" He rounded on me. "I have never been so humiliated by my father in my life!" His voice had risen to a shout. "How can he even fathom that he can possibly accomplish such a feat? He will die alone!" Thorin put his hands over his face and slid down to the floor, groaning: "How could he leave me to clean up such a mess?"

I had never before been at such a loss as to what would comfort my husband. I sat by him on the ground, and put my arm around his stiff shoulders, leaning my head on his. "I am sure that he would not have done this if he was in his right mind."

"But he has not been in his right mind – not for years! He has not been able to deal with the grief and disappointment."

"But you have – and you are wonderful. Perhaps it is for the best that you are left to lead the people. You will not lead us into desperate excursions, will you?" He had turned his gaze onto me, and I smiled. "I am sure that you will do splendidly."

"I wished –" he paused. "I wished to raise a family before I took the throne," Thorin buried his face again. "And now I cannot."

"There was never any use in waiting for a family," I reassured him. "I doubt that twenty, thirty, fifty more years will bring children to us. I am at peace."

Thorin turned his body towards mine and gripped my hands. "My dear, I do not know if I could do this without you."

"Don't be ridiculous - you do not have to!" I exclaimed. "I will be by your side."

I was awarded a kiss for my words, and Thorin stood, pulling me to my feet. "Now, my queen, for now surely you will be one – we have some issues to address. Perhaps we will begin with saving the perception of our family. The people must know that we are not all insane."

…

The work that I did now exhausted me more than the school, or travelling, or cleaning or taking care of children ever did. We spent dawn until dusk in meetings, councils and conferences. My least favorite part by far was the time spent with the noblemen that dictated laws. It was as if everyone was fighting to get what they wanted or what whoever was paying them wanted – and it was impossible to reach any compromises. Thorin had never had any patience with this sort of pandering, and now I could almost permanently see the tensions in his neck as he struggled to retain his composure. We barely had any rest and even less time for enjoyable pursuits.

There was a rare moment, alone in the evening in our quarters, as we sat together reviewing reports. I absentmindedly ran my fingers through my husband's hair, and I looked over at his concentrating form.

"You are growing silver hair," I said, surprised.

Thorin looked up. "Hmm?"

I grinned. "You are growing old."

"Perhaps it is my trade that is sending me to an early grave. Or perhaps it is my wife. She is the source of the majority of my anxiety," he teased. I flicked his ear, irritated, but that did not stop him. "Your hair is still the color as when we were married," he wound his fingers through it. "You must be extremely lucky to have a husband that does not age you so."

"You are delusional," I said, shaking my head and turning back to the report I was reading. Thorin picked up my hand, kissed it, and our interaction for the evening was over.


	21. Chapter 21

Time continued in the stop-and-go motions that it typically did. At times I found myself wondering if it had truly been twenty, twenty-five, thirty years since the dragon came, and at others I marveled that I was not yet resting in my grave. Thorin and I became more run down as the years progressed – we had been young when we took on the responsibilities of the king and queen – and so it felt that we were aging much faster than we normally would. However, the age of one's body versus the age of the soul do not coincide, fortunately for me, and it was 37 years from when the dragon took our home that I became pregnant once again.

I was hesitant – the fact that I had conceived after so many years of trying initially made me believe that I would miscarry once more. When I went to see Oin, after he validated that I was pregnant, he told me that it was possible that my body had finally healed enough to carry a child once more.

"Should I devote myself to resting?" I asked him.

"Eh? Aye, you should," Oin was speaking louder than normal, and I had to thank him several times as I was leaving before he heard me properly.

…

It was nearly midnight when Thorin returned to our rooms from where he had been inspecting the new style of weapons the blacksmiths were preparing. He was perpetually weary – we had not slept more than a few hours every night for years – and the light from the fire threw the bagginess under his eyes into sharp relief. He sunk into his chair, rubbing his temple.

"Where were you today? I was hoping for your input during the hearing for the memorial plans for Azanulbizar."

"I was visiting Oin," I said.

"What for?"

I took his hands from his face, and Thorin looked up at me. "My darling – I am with child."

His hands tightened on mine. "Are you sure?" I nodded, unable to stop the spread of the smile across my face. Thorin's expression mirrored mine, and he began laughing aloud. "You had better not be teasing!" he shouted, leaping to his feet and pulling me to mine, picking me up and spinning around.

"I am not!" I giggled. "I would not dare tease of such a thing." I was set gently down – Thorin had apparently remembered the delicacy of pregnant women. I smoothed my skirts as my husband sat down again as well, jittery and excited. "Oin confirmed it," I said. "So it must be true."

Thorin leaned back in his chair, still smiling, and closed his eyes. Soon tears began rolling down his cheeks, and he was unable to contain himself. He buried his face in his hands once more. I moved over to sit on his lap, resting his head against my bosom.

"Are you happy?" I whispered.

"I have not been so happy in years," he replied. "I had given up hope."

"As had I," I said. "This is a most welcome surprise."

"You must give up your duties," Thorin said sternly. "We mustn't take any risks with this child," he rested his hand on my belly, which looked merely as if I had had a massive dinner. "Are you feeling ill yet?"

"No," I replied. "Although I expect to laid up soon, and for a very long time."

"I will miss you," Thorin said, kissing the nape of my neck. "I do not wish to miss this time with you."

"Fret not," I said lightly. "I will be available for pampering anytime you are free."

"I had a concern I wished to discuss with you," Thorin said, changing the subject abruptly.

"Hmmm," I murmured, burying my face on his shoulder.

"I have been considering that we move to Norgod."

I looked up, irritated. "Again? Truly? You promised that you would not do this."

"No," Thorin corrected. "I swore that I would not lead our people into desperate excursions. This is different."

"No – it is not! Must you insist that we uproot ourselves once more? You need to accept that our home was lost and that you cannot get it back! We have to make do with where we are! And frankly," I had stood and was now pacing angrily in front of my agitated husband. "This is a wonderful place to live – as was Dunland. There is no use in chasing dreams!"

"I do not chase after dreams!" Thorin barked, standing to tower over me. "I seek merely to secure the happiness and fate of our people!"

"And why doesn't Belegost fulfill those expectations?" I yelled back.

"Because I want the best for our people!"

"That is the exact lie that your grandfather fed the warriors before marching off to Moria! Learn from his mistakes! Do not do this," I pleaded.

"It is not a lie," Thorin growled. "It is a hope."

I lifted my chin. "And so you have succumbed to the pride that has been the downfall of your line since the dragon."

As I turned from him, I heard him sigh. "Aurvang, please. I did not wish to sour this night – especially now because of our child." He moved towards me and placed his hand on my belly.

"Very well," I snapped. There was no more fighting, but the silence as we prepared for bed was not a pleasant one.

…

Thorin's stuffiness did not evaporate over the coming months. He would not relent his desire to move once more, and when he arrived home in the evening, while I was bent over the chamber pot, he would tell me of his growing desire to take back Erebor.

"Your grandfather and father wanted that," I wheezed, tired and feeling horrible. "Look where it got them."

Thrain had not been heard of since he left. This was obviously a sore point with Thorin, who growled back, "I will be prepared. I will take every precaution I possibly can. I will not go alone!"

I grunted, not impressed.

"I need to reclaim our home!" he said passionately, kneeling by me and taking my hands. "I do not wish for our child to grow in the knowledge that our home was taken from us! I need to do this – for our family."

"I still think you are delusional," I said.

"And you do not understand why I need to do this! That foul worm took our daughter! I cannot let him live on our gold while we are refugees."

"So it is for the gold," I said in epiphany.

"No! It is for the legacy of our people."

I could not help rolling my eyes. Thorin was being completely unreasonable, and it would take more than mere doubts to convince him to stay with me and forget the blasted idea.


	22. Chapter 22

When I began to feel well again, Thorin started to make the arrangements for us to transport to Norgod. I half-wished to be as delicate as some pregnant women were – once I was not longer feeling ill, Oin declared that I was only in a very slight danger of miscarrying and that I could travel safely. Thorin was very wise, in my opinion, to allow the people to choose whether to stay in Belegost or to continue on to Norgod. Only about half of the migrants from Erebor were to go with us.

My belly had grown to nearly the size of a cantaloupe when we set out. I was one of the few to be allowed to ride rather than walk, and for that I was grateful. I was not grateful, however, when Thorin came to me when we were only travelling for a few days to deliver to me some unfortunate news.

"You are to continue on alone," he said, sitting in the wagon next to me and looking grave. "I will be taking a different road."

"Why!" I said indignantly at his unexpected declaration.

"I wish to travel abroad alone in search of kin. I feel that it is of importance to gather our people."

"Hmmm," I said, not convinced and feeling grouchy. "That is wonderful, simply fantastic."

"Don't be facetious," Thorin said testily. "I've sent a message ahead to the steward – you will be welcomed into the palace."

"I could care less about the palace," I said crossly. "I want my husband with me while I am occupied toting around his child and enjoying the aches and pains of growing life."

"Be reasonable! I will return before the child is born," Thorin hopped down from the wagon, but not before giving me a kiss on my forehead. He was apparently impatient to depart.

I grumbled and did not reply. I was not interested in his excuses and apologies – of all the times to leave! The bastard. He would not return to a happy wife, that much was sure.

…

The migrants arrived in Norgod safely and quickly. The people were much more welcoming than in Belegost – which did not surprise me. I had missed the people I had grown up with and their kindness. I went directly to the palace to confer with the steward.

"Aurvang! We have missed your presence," Onar welcomed me with open arms. He looked significantly older than when I had left, his head and beard now fully white.

"My lord," I said, giving a slight curtsey.

"None of that," he corrected. "Unless you wish to be addressed by your title as well. I did not expect you to become queen so expeditiously!"

"We have not been crowned," I said, and we both sat at the long table in his quarters, me slightly out of breath. "Thorin does not wish to be King until he sits on the throne at Erebor."

"Yes, yes, sad business, that," Onar said gravely. "Terrible, terrible."

"He has got the idea in his head that he must leave on a quest to reclaim it within the year," I said, shaking my own head at my husband's absurdity.

"And leave you and the little one?" Onar seemed perplexed.

"Aye," I said. "Perhaps you could convince him of this folly."

"I would not dare. The prince's ferocity and pride are implied with his name. Now – you must be sure to ask for anything you are in need of. Although I must ask –" We had risen and I was about to leave. "As I have no children of my own, I was wondering if, since you are officially the heir of the throne here, one of your sons will take up the mantle of King of Norgod."

"If it is possible," I said. "It has taken many years for us to be blessed with this child, whom I am assuming Thorin wishes to inherit Erebor, if it be retaken. But if we have another son, he will of course be granted Norgod."

"Thank you," Onar said gratefully, bowing over my hand. "I wish to retire from this post – it has taken more from me than all else."

…

Thorin returned five months after I was set up in Norgod. It would only be one more season before the child would be born, and I wished for it to be sooner. I was very impatient with the bed rest I had been prescribed to by Oin since the journeying was done.

Thorin stomped in through the door, startling me from a nap. Fear filled me easily these days as it did now – worrying for the baby, my husband, and my own life had taken over my thoughts of late and I had not been expecting Thorin to return. Once I saw that it was him, I laid myself gingerly back down and tried to slow my breathing.

"You look well," he said, smiling while he unfastened his travelling cloak and threw it to the ground. "I missed you."

"That is a comfort to know," I said stubbornly, as I still had not overcome his abrupt and inconsiderate leave of me.

"I hope you will forgive me," Thorin said, reading the signs of my irritability, but excited all the same. "You will not believe what has befallen me!"

"Do tell," I said.

He ignored my sarcasm and sat down by me, eyes full of delight. "I met the wizard Gandalf. He had met my father recently and received a map to be given to me."

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrows. "And how does that affect us? A map – you could buy a map at the market!"

"I also received a key," Thorin reached into his shirt and pulled out an iron key hanging on a leather strap. "To Erebor."

"Hmmm."

"It is a sign!" Thorin exclaimed. "Don't you see? It is a sign that I must complete this quest. We would not have to be dependent on the charity of others any longer!"

"Perhaps it is a sign – that Thrain could not complete the quest and so you should not try. You should stay here with me," I said. "Soon our child will be here."

"I would not miss that for the world," Thorin said, pulling back the blankets and kissing the top of my swollen belly before placing a lingering kiss on my lips.

"Then do not speak of the quest to me until after the birth," I said, my love for my husband outweighing the exasperation. "Be with me."

"As you command," Thorin said, and we spent the night of our reunion in each other's arms.

…

The following days were lazy and pleasant. I insisted that Thorin take a break from his executive duties – Onar had a very competent administration and Thorin's help was not needed. He did, however, spend hours in combat training, including time spent with Fili and Kili, who had arrived in Norgod recently at Thorin's request.

I still tried to reason with Thorin about the ridiculousness of the mission, but he grew annoyed with me and the only responses to my nagging comments were moody glares. I decided to be grateful for the time together that we did have, however short it would be until he left again.


	23. Chapter 23

The pains came just before dawn. I woke, sweating and stiff, and noticed that the bed was damp. I immediately started shaking Thorin's shoulder violently.

"You must fetch Oin," I gasped.

Thorin rubbed his eyes sleepily, realized what I had said, and leapt out of the bed. He almost ran out the door in his undergarments.

"You're naked!" I screeched. He made an abrupt turn and hurried back to the wardrobe.

"You are not to have that baby until I return," Thorin said firmly as he tugged on his trousers, as if I had a choice in the matter.

Once he was fully clothed, he took off again frantically and suddenly I did not have his presence to soothe me. I could feel the pain from my contracting belly across my whole body, and I tried pacing the room to ease the pressure. In almost no time at all, Thorin had returned with Oin, who was carrying a bag of medicine and tools.

"This will go much smoother than the last time," he said cheerfully. I growled at the remark, not appreciating the mention of the stillbirth of my daughter at that precise moment. I paced, sat, crouched and laid down in intervals all day. Oin did not seem to be concerned about the passing of time, although Thorin seemed nearly as anxious as I was as he constantly wrung his hands and paced with me, holding my elbow. The contractions strengthened dramatically near midnight and Oin declared that it was time.

"Ah, yes, everything seems to be in order," Oin said after I had lain down. "Push when you feel that you need to." Thorin knelt by my side and grasped my hand, pale and tense. I would have laughed at his expression if I hadn't been in so much agony.

It was not very long – although it was very painful, until Oin held up a purple, squirmy form and announced, "It's a son, my liege!" Soon the cries of the babe rent the air, and I let out a breath. Alive! I had succeeded in what I had failed to do our entire marriage. Tears of relief flooded from my eyes as I felt a deep tension leaving my gut. I fell back, exhausted.

Oin wrapped the baby deftly, and Thorin stood to accept the tiny bundle in his arms. His head bowed over the child's, and his face contorted as he began to weep. The sight of my husband and new son in such a precious moment made my heart feel as if it would burst with joy.

I could not stop the increasing tears of outpouring love as Thorin placed our baby on my chest. I held the child gingerly, crying. A son! I had a son! Thorin knelt by me once more, placed a hand on the babe and rested his head on mine. I drank in the sight of my baby - his head was positively covered in dark, thick curls. So he would look like his father. That would please me greatly. If our child inherited my temperament, we would have created the perfect little boy. This beautiful child that Thorin and I had made together only made me adore him more – the father of my child, the man who held my heart. I could not help looking up at him, smiling, watching him gaze at our baby with doleful eyes. The vengeful king, brought to his knees by a babe! That was not surprising – my heart was already lost to my beautiful son. His little mouth opened and he gave the most adorable yawn. Thorin and I exchanged glances, and I knew that he believed our son to be perfect as well.

…

After Oin had left, my body covered in salves and wrapped in bandages, and the child declared as fit and healthy, Thorin watched as I struggled to feed our son for the first time.

"What will his name be?" Thorin asked quietly.

"I was thinking – ouch! I was considering a name from your family. Thror, Thrain, Thorin," I smiled, tired but happy.

Thorin thought for a moment, his eyes glued to the soft head of our son as if he was drinking in the sight of the child. "No," he said finally. "My family has brought glory to the line of Durin, but also shame. I do not wish to jinx him." He stuck out a finger and stroked the babe's soft curls, gently and slowly, as if he thought that the child would break under his touch.

"What do you think, then?" I asked. The babe latched and began suckling. It was not pleasant and I grimaced.

"Farin," Thorin replied. "The name of the sire of close friends – and a great man indeed."

"No royal name?" I was surprised.

"A common name, so that he may be king of the common people."

I did not understand the sentiment or where it had come from, but I did not debate the point.

"Farin, then," I cooed, stroking the baby's smooth, wrinkly forehead.

…

Thorin did not leave my side for the next several days. He was besotted with the child, and even seemed to increase his love and affection towards me. I was content to rest and be pampered. I had honestly never been so happy in all my life – even before the dragon came. I saw years of worry and strain leave Thorin's shoulders, and he began to walk tall once more. Even the sleepless nights were not as harrowing as I thought they would be.

About a month from Farin's birth, Fili and Kili were invited by Thorin to meet the little boy. They entered the room very awkwardly – it was apparent that they had not had very much practice with children, no matter their skills with swords.

"Good afternoon, Auntie," Fili said, looking hard into my face, as if trying to ignore the sleeping baby in my arms.

"It's small," Kili said, his own eyes fastening on Farin, earning an elbow in the ribs from his brother.

I stood from my chair where I had been sitting across from Thorin, who was smoking his pipe and relaxing as he enjoyed his nephews' unease, and I directed Kili to take my place. Once he was settled, I showed him how to arrange his arms. I could hear both Fili and Thorin giggling from behind me at Kili's discomfort. I placed the babe in his arms, and the room grew silent. I watched as a smile grew on Kili's face.

"It's not so hard," I told him. "You're doing very well."

"He's cute," Kili said in a loud whisper.

"No need to whisper," I said, trying not to laugh at his ignorance. He was a man, after all! "Babies will sleep through most everything."

Kili held Farin for a few minutes longer, and then switched places with Fili, who did not seem as interested in the baby. They left soon after.

Farin woke, too late to enjoy his cousins, and began to fuss. Thorin put down his pipe and reached for his son, standing to sway him back to sleep more easily. He pulled out the babe's tiny hands and kissed them, cooing nonsense words. Watching my husband bond with our son filled me with love and happiness, and I was content.


	24. Chapter 24

About three months from Farin's birth, Oin came to examine him.

"Aye, he is looking well-fed, my lady," he said. I was pleased – caring for a child was not easy, and knowing that the baby was thriving made me feel better about the sacrifices I was making.

Before Oin left, he spoke to Thorin for a short moment. I was not supposed to hear, but still I strained to listen in on their whispered conversation.

"Sire, I have read the portents. You must leave swiftly if you wish to succeed in your quest!"

"I have already made up my mind," Thorin replied quietly. "Send word to your kin – we will meet soon and discuss this further."

Oin departed, and I narrowed my eyes in suspicion at Thorin as he joined me by the fire. He merely looked innocent and did not reply to my badgering questions. But he did not need to – I knew what he was up to.

…

The days passed swiftly – and I found myself so busy and tired that I did not realize how that it had been nearly six months since Farin's birth. He was growing fast, and his smiles were constant, bringing Thorin and I nearly to our knees with the delightfulness.

It was not to last.

"I must leave," Thorin told me one evening after Farin had been laid down for the night. "There is a conference in Belegost regarding Erebor, and I must be there."

"Must you really?" I asked. "Can it not wait? You should be here, with us."

"I am sorry," and he sounded as if he truly was. "I will return within a fortnight."

Those days that my husband was gone were trying – I no longer had a companion to help me with our son, and I found myself increasingly frazzled and stressed at the responsibility of caring for Farin every minute of every day with no respite.

Thorin thankfully returned not one day later than he promised, and when he walked in he immediately reached for his son, whom I yielded willingly.

"Well?" I asked patiently. "What news?"

Thorin was silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on Farin's sleeping face. "No army will support me."

"Does this mean that you will not go?" I was hopeful.

"No. I have sent for close friends to accompany me. I will depart two days hence."

I collapsed in my chair. So he would go. "I wish you would not," I said.

Thorin finally looked at me. "I have to do this – there is no choice. I must do this for our son."

"Bugger," I said crossly. "I think that if he is happily raised by his parents, he will not miss a city he has never seen."

"He will be ashamed that his father did not even try to take the richest city in the world from a foul dragon," Thorin said adamantly. "You cannot change my mind, Aurvang, I am leaving."

I did not reply – I tried only to stifle the unhappiness I taking over my thoughts.

"You must promise me one thing," Thorin said solemnly. "If I perish, Farin is not to go to Erebor – ever, even if it is claimed. Keep him here. He will be king of Norgod."

"If you perish!" I was aghast. "You will not! You may not! I shall not allow it."

Thorin gave a weak smile. "It is a comfort to know that the years do not wither you, my dear." Then his smile faded. "Swear to it. I do not want him to follow my folly."

"You already admit it is a folly," I pointed out, but at his obstinate expression I sighed. "Yes, of course I promise."

"I want you to be safe," Thorin said, cradling Farin in one arm and reaching to clasp my hand with the other. "Both of you. You are precious to me."

"If only we could be more precious to you than the mountains of gold in Erebor," I said, ornery. "Then we would not have to lose you."

"I will return for you," Thorin vowed, smiling once more. "Always. I could never be happy without you and Farin."

"Then I will hold you to it."

…

The next morning I left Thorin to spend time with Farin while I went to the market. It was smaller than the one at Belegost, but I wanted to see one dwarf in particular.

The goldsmith was in his shop, open for business but preoccupied with fashioning a silver circlet. Once he saw me enter, he put his work away.

"What might I do for you, my lady?" he asked.

"The prince is leaving on a quest," I told him. "I wished to give him a parting gift."

"Did you have anything in mind? Or were you still considering something that he would wear?"

"Something that he would wear," I confirmed. "Perhaps a piece of jewelry."

The dwarf went into the back room and returned with a small wooden box. "I have a pair of golden beads that he might wear in his hair – they are intricate and took all my strength and attention for nearly a week."

They were beautiful – just as elaborate as the goldsmith had claimed. I knew that they would be right for Thorin. He would recognize their value and cherish the gift. I told the goldsmith to bill the palace, and I left with the box.

…

Farin had almost been crawling for the past few weeks. Thorin had placed him on a huge fur and was sitting at the opposite end than the babe. He was trying to coax his son to put more effort into coming to him. Farin merely smiled and giggled at his father's antics and did not budge. Thorin looked at me with dejected eyes.

"I don't know why he won't crawl to me!" he moaned. "I have tried bribing him with toys, food, anything! And still he won't perform this trick for me."

"Well," I said gently. "He is only a babe. He understands none of your words, only that you are with him and giving him attention."

"I wanted to see him crawl before I left!"

"Delay your departure, then," I retorted. Thorin gave me a look that I interpreted as Don't you start that again, and I shrugged and pushed the anxiety out of my mind and we spent the rest of the day playing with Farin.

After Farin had been bathed and bedded, we sat companionably by the fire, and I gave Thorin the beads.

"They are exquisite," he said, picking one up and admiring it. "My thanks."

"I was hoping you would wear them on your journey," I told him. "So that you might always remember us."

"Aye, I will," he said, and allowed me to weave them into his hair. They looked striking in his ebony locks, and he relaxed under my touch.

…

I woke just before dawn, not due to the hungry cries from Farin that normally roused me, but from the cold seeping under the covers on the opposite side of the bed. Thorin was dressed and was sitting in his chair, lacing on his boots. He looked up at me when he saw me stir.

"I am sorry I awakened you," he said, grave.

"It's alright," I said. "You should have woken me earlier." I climbed out of bed, reaching for a robe. The fire had burned itself out during the night, which explained the cold. I fetched another blanket and tucked it around Farin's still sleeping body. I felt Thorin's arms close around me.

"I will miss you," he murmured, kissing my hair.

"Please do not go," I turned and pleaded with him one last time. "We need you."

"All will be well," Thorin reassured me with a smile. "Soon we will be together again, under the mountain. And our son will grow in the heritage he is entitled to."

He kissed my lips, and with a dark sweep of his cloak, he was gone.


	25. Chapter 25

_The screams and clashes of the battle had grown dim in Thorin's ears – the constant thudding of his own heart was now all he heard. He faced enemy after enemy, cutting down goblins swiftly and with ease. Fili and Kili, fighting alongside him, were equally successful with the butchery._

_The journey had been taxing and had taken nearly six months – Aurvang would be furious and Thorin smiled at the memory of her ferocious face. But now there was a light at the end – soon the battle would be won, and the dwarfs could return to their mountain and live in peace in their birthright once more._

_Suddenly there was an agonizing pain in his shoulder that spread across the rest of his body. An involuntary scream left his lungs, and Fili turned to him, horror extending across his own features. Thorin wanted to say he was fine, that he would recover, but the loss of feeling in his legs as he tumbled to the ground, still striking at foul goblins, told him otherwise. He stood again with difficulty and fought on._

_The battle was won near sunset – it had gone on for hours, much longer than expected with many more participants. Thorin was immediately transferred to a sick tent succeeding the victory, his grievous wound alerting the wizard Gandalf and panicking the faithful men who had followed him on his quest._

_The night was pure torment, and in Thorin's mind, useless. Couldn't he die already? Were the hours of pain truly necessary? He sent his friends away, fatigued, ill-tempered, and completely miserable. He had failed. The only consoling thought that entered his mind was that his son was safe, that Farin would not meet the same fate he himself had. Aurvang - sweet, stubborn Aurvang would never allow it, especially now. Perhaps he should have listened to her more. His thoughts rested on his soon to be widow and son as the sun filtered through the doors of the tent, bringing him comfort. White light spread across his vision and he felt like he was floating as the agony in his body and heart diminished. If this was dying, he could perhaps handle it better – at least there was no pain._

…

The bustling crowds that moved in and out of Erebor, carrying goods and supplies, did not notice me. Strangers were no longer uncommon under the mountain, due to the rebuilding and renovating. I took the most direct route to the lower halls, where Thorin had once taken me, before the dragon came, to see the mausoleums of his fathers.

I knew, from the freshly cut stone, exactly where Thorin had been laid to rest. An elegant Elven blade was mounted on the carved grave. I had known of my husband's death for months already, but within my aching heart I had still harbored hope that the message had been mistaken. The reality of the end of Thorin's life, and the beginning of lonely years for me, was overwhelming and I fell to my knees in front of the grave and wept. How was I to raise a son alone? He needed his father, and I needed my husband - my companion, my lover. Despair weighed on my shoulders.

I do not know how much time passed, and I did not come to my senses until a hand was placed on my shoulder. "My lady," a voice said. I turned and looked up, glad for the veil to hide my red, swollen eyes, and saw the dwarf Balin, who had accompanied Thorin on his desperate quest. "He regretted leaving you and Farin," Balin said gently. "More than anything."

"I hope that his success was worth the sacrifice," I said, nasally from all the crying I had done.

"I am not sure if it was. From the way he was speaking in his final moments, I am prone to think that he wished he had known that his happiness with you was worth more than all the gold in Erebor."

"All that is gold does not glitter," I said wistfully, quoting a well-known verse from east Middle-Earth. I rested my hand on Thorin's grave. "And the crownless shall again be King."

"Aye," Balin said solemnly. "Although Thorin was never crowned, he will always been known as one of the bravest and noblest of his kin."

I composed myself, taking a deep breath, and stood. "I will return to Norgod," I said. "Thorin insisted that if he died, that our son would take the throne there."

"Be well, my lady," Balin said. "I am sure that Farin will make an honorable king; his parentage could hardly allow else."

"What will you do now?" I asked.

"Myself and other dwarfs have been thinking that with the success of this quest we might attempt to take Moria once more."

"I wish you luck," I said, and we parted. I did not look back at my husband's grave.


End file.
